Lie To Me
by SarahNotPlainJane
Summary: Clare and Eli have gone thier seprate ways during high school. After gradutaing, and attending a party, tragedy strikes and it brings Clare and Eli closer together. Can both Eli and Clare stay strong, or will they fall apart?
1. Chapter 1

The Party

Clare

It's always fun to go to a party right? Well, I wasn't too thrilled about going to this one. My boyfriend, Jake, made me come. He told me that it would help me loosen up a little bit. He claims I have been too stressed out lately. This is honestly, the truth. I have been stressing over studying for my finals, which are thankfully over! So, that means that summer has just begun and no school for the next three months! I'll be a senior in high school next fall and Jake, my boyfriend, will be going off to college.

So now here I am, standing in the middle of someone's house, surrounded by intoxicated bodies, while my lovely boyfriend is god knows where getting high. Jake has been basically ignoring me since the minute we arrived at this stupid high school party. I even dressed up for him, but he ignored the apparent change in my appearance.

Instead of my plain look of blue jeans and a tee shirt, I now have on a short white skirt and a light purple tank top that shows a little cleavage. My auburn hair is in loose curls around my shoulders. I even put on some light purple eye shadow and black eyeliner along with a soft red lipstick. But Jake never took notice. Others at this party have taken notice of how different I do look tonight though.

At one point I could have sworn that I Eli, my ex boyfriend, catch a glimpse of me when I had passed him and our friend Adam in the kitchen earlier. He looked confused and I thought I saw a little bit of pain on his face. Adam didn't see me, or so I think he didn't, but I'm sure Eli filled him in.

My head is already starting to feel fuzzy. The three cups of the pink concoctions that are sitting on the table in the kitchen are getting to me. I honestly don't care what's in them as long they numb my mind.

All of a sudden, I feel a tap on my right shoulder. I turn around to find Dallas, who's a complete asshole, standing behind me with some stupid grin plastered on his face.

"What do you want Dallas?" I ask with irritation.

"I'm just so amazed by the fact that while you're looking so damn fine right now, your boyfriend is nowhere in sight." Dallas cockily says while still grinning.

"And why take the sudden interest in me? Look, all I want to do right now is drink myself into a drunken stupor. I didn't even want to come to this stupid party anyway. I got all dressed up for nothing! Jake sure as hell didn't notice! Just leave me to drink alone!" I wine while slurring here and there.

"No pretty girl like you should be drinking alone by herself. Let me get you another drink, or a shot perhaps?" Dallas suggests to me.

"You're not going to leave me alone are you?" I say with a huff.

"Nope. Now, come on. I'm sure your boyfriend won't mind if I take care of you for a while." Dallas still has that damn cocky grin plastered on his face.

"Oh what the hell." I grumble as I follow Brian back into the kitchen.

There are people everywhere in the tiny kitchen. I don't recognize anyone, but one person does look familiar. I cannot quite put my finger on it, but I think he might be from my English class. There are bottles of all different colors, sizes and shapes lining the counters. I eye a blue tinted bottle with a picture of what looks like a white cloud, but I guess it's supposed to be whipped cream. I pick up the bottle and open it to smell it. As I take a whiff of the contents, my nose wrinkles up and I start to cough.

"Not a vodka girl?" I hear a voice beside me speak.

I turn my head and it's the guy from my English class. I stare at him wide eyed for a second before I can think of a response.

"Ummm maybe? I don't drink much really, or get out much at all. I've always been taught that underage drinking is a sin. Well here I am. I'm a sinner." I let out a loud laugh at that thought. "I never thought that this would be so funny! Wow! I was always the good girl, but here I am! Alright, I need a drink, or shot, or something." I declare to this mystery guy.

"Well what would you like? There's also beer in the cooler. By the way, my name is James." My "mystery" guy introduces to me.

"Okay, James, what would you suggest that I should drink?" I sweetly ask.

"Hmm have you ever heard of a redheaded slut?" James asks me.

I shake my head no.

"I'll make you one. It's a shot." James informs me while he goes to get what he needs.

My mind starts to wander as I wait for James to make me my shot. I think about where Jake is. I wander if he's off hooking up with some other girl at this party. Is the girl even pretty? Is she worth his time? I know Jake isn't worth my time anymore. I start to think about Eli and Adam. I know I saw them somewhere in here a while ago, but I haven't seen them since. I start to regret breaking off my friendship with Adam after Eli and I broke up. I now regret even breaking up with Eli.

"Here you go one redheaded slut." James says bring me back and handing me the shot glass.

"Thanks." I grin as I tilt back my head so I can pour the liquid into my throat.

Eli

"Dude, did you see Clare earlier? That is for sure not the Clare I once knew. I'm getting worried about her man, she's changed." Adam tells me with a apprehensive look in his glassy eyes.

I nod my head. "Yeah man, I saw her." I said a little too biter than I intended to.

After Clare and I broke up last year, she hasn't been the same person. She used to be happy. It could have to do with the fact that her mother passed away a few months after we had broken up. And I'm pretty sure it has to deal with Jake ignoring her constantly as well, and I'm not talking about just tonight.

"Someone's getting a little protective over someone else's girlfriend." Adam jokes as he nudges me in my right rib.

I shrug my shoulders. "I just hate to see her act this way. I know for a damn fact this isn't Clare, and I can sense that something isn't right. I can't approach her, because she might just chew me out. She'll probably tell me that it's none of my business and there's nothing that I can do to help. Man, did I really fuck up." I breathe out and then take another drag of my cigarette.

"I know what you mean. I can feel that something isn't right either. I haven't really talked to Clare in weeks. She started to grow distant towards me after she started dating Jake." Adam rambles as he finishes his second or third beer.

"What was that about me and Clare?" Jake says coming out of nowhere.

"Whoa, take it easy Jake. Just calm down man, and take another toke." I say to Jake, whose eyes are so bloodshot and half closed.

"Fuck you Goldsworthy." Jake spat at me.

"I think someone's a bit paranoid here." Adam jokes with a smart smirk on his lips. And in return, it earns him a punch in the face from Jake, and Adam only starts to laugh.

"You've got issues man. You might want to keep it together before your girlfriend catches you beating on her two former best friends." I slyly say with a smirk of my own.

Jake then let's go of Adam and focuses his attention on me.

"Yeah, and guess who had to pick up the pieces after you broke her heart? Me, I had to. Who was there to dry her tears? Me. So, you know what Goldsworthy? You can just butt the fuck out. You weren't there when Clare was broken and hurting." Jake growls defensively.

I almost start to laugh at Jake's little pathetic speech.

"She still is hurting asshole. If you can't see that, then you really are dumb." I spat back while putting out my cigarette.

"You've got a mouth on you, you know that don't you little shithead? I know that girl better than you ever did. So don't you dare tell me how my own girlfriend is feeling. I don't give a shit about you and your friend here. Clare is my concern only. Do you understand that? So back the fuck off." Jake demands as he grabs a handful of my shirt to bring me eye level to him.

I start to laugh at Jake's pity attempt of intimidation.

"Oh yes sir. I understand perfectly." I raise my right hand to my temple and make a salute. "That you're a fucking dick." I add.

"You little.."Jake starts, but then Scarlett comes outside and spots Jake and I.

"Jake! Let him go!" Clare yells as she approaches us and boy does she look pissed.

Jake lets go of my shirt, but quickly punches me in the mouth before Clare reaches us. I only begin to laugh harder now. Man, I could use another beer. Clare stumbles her way over to Adam, Jake and I with a drunken scowl on her face.

"Hey there babe, how...How much did you have to drink?" Jake stutters as Clare steps right in-between Jake and I.

"No, don't you dare call me that pet name! You don't deserve to call me that anymore! You abandoned me! You have been ignoring me ever since you picked me up from my house and brought me to this stupid party! I dressed up for you, and you don't even fucking notice! I never drink, but tonight you drove me to drink! I have lost count of what all I have had to drink so far. And I don't really give a shit. I finally find you out here and Adam has a swollen eye and Eli's mouth is bleeding! What has gotten into you? Why are you acting this way?" Clare screams at Jake, who looks like a deer caught in the headlights.

I silently applaud Clare for standing up to Jake, but I'm also reminded of her speech the night we broke up.

"I…I…I can explain." Jake stutters once more.

"Save it Jake. I don't want your explanation. I'll find my own way home when I'm ready to leave this damn party." Clare sternly tells Jake and then she turns her back on us and reenters the house.

"That was something…"I trail off while watching Clare walk away.

"Yeah, I've never seen her snap like that before. It just about scared me though." Adam remarks as touches his left eye and winces at his own touch.

"Whatever, this is bullshit." Jake mutters as he walks away to somewhere outside.

"Someone can't handle his own medicine." I joke as I wipe my mouth and notice the blood on my hand. "Damn, this is going to feel great tomorrow." I grumble under my breath.

"Oh you'll be fine. I'm the one who's going to wake up with a shiner. Your mouth will heal faster than my eye. Speaking of war wounds, I could use another beer after all of that excitement." Adam says while rubbing his hands together.

I nod my head. "Yeah, I could use a few more after all of that." I say as I make my way back inside the house with Adam right behind me.

"Don't let Jake get to you man." Adam says to me as he pats me on my back.

"It's not Jake its Clare that's making me uneasy. Something's just not right. I think that her fight with Jake is only the beginning of tonight. I honestly don't want to know what is going to happen next." I say as we make our way into the kitchen.

I go towards the beer cooler and take two out and hand one to Adam. I then see Clare out of the corner of my eye and take notice that she's taking shots with some guy that I don't recognize. I'm not sure if it's that I still care about Clare, or what but I'm catching myself having all these over-protective thoughts about Clare lately. And I have a girlfriend! Speaking of her, I wonder where she is, I know I saw her around here awhile ago before Adam and I went outside.

Adam

I notice Eli staring off in the direction that Clare is in. I shake my head and roll my eyes. I take a big gulp of my beer and it eases the pain from my left eye.

"Dude, let it go." I say to Eli as gently as I can.

"Let it go? Adam, she's not acting right! There's something not right! Am I the only one who sees this?" Eli shouts.

"Eli, calm the hell down. Everyone can hear you man." I try to rationalize with my crazed best friend. I place the cold beer bottle to my swollen eye and take a deep breath. "She just needs time man. So she's getting a little out of character. She needs to let off some steam, so just let her do what she wants." I try to reason.

"I'm just worried about her Adam. I know the signs of self-destruction."Eli says more calmly than before as he goes to grab another beer.

I haven't thought about that. Is Clare trying to self-destruct? Damnitt Eli, now you're putting thoughts into my head! I chug the rest of my beer and go to grab another one, and I bump into someone on my way to the beer cooler.

"Sorry." I mumble.

"Adam?" the redhead asks me.

I look up and come face to face with Eli's girlfriend.

"Izzy? I didn't know you were here at this party." I said as I grab my fifth beer and chug it with ease.

"I originally wasn't planning on coming, but River asked me to come. I actually ended up running into some old friends, but um have you by any chance seen Eli?" Izzy asks of me and then scrunches up her eyebrows. "What happened to your eye?"

I take a sip of my beer. "I got into a fight with Jake, Clare's boyfriend. He apparently didn't like my joke too much." I pause and take a big swig of my beer. "And Eli got punched in the mouth. It was actually pretty funny. You see, Jake basically dragged Clare to come to the party tonight. She got all dressed up and then Jake just ignores her the whole time. Then she starts to drink a lot. Meanwhile, Jake is trying to act like he actually gives a shit about Clare, but it's obvious that he doesn't. So Eli and I were trying to make Jake see how much of an ass he really is. That's how I got my black eye and Eli got punched in the mouth. Oh yeah, and Clare came outside and saw everything and freaked out on Jake. I honestly don't even know if she broke up with him or not." I spill to Izzy. I then finish my beer and go to grab another.

"Well that explains some things, but my other question was if you knew where Eli is." Izzy asks me with a dramatic sigh.

"Check outside. He might be out there." I suggest.

"Thank you." Izzy says as she walks away from me.

A lot of people seem to be walking away tonight.

Izzy

I thank Adam and head for the backyard of this house. I did spot a very drunk looking Clare dancing in one of the rooms with a plastic cup in her hand. The sight of her almost makes me want to reach out to her, but I know damn well she'll just push me away. And that's exactly what Clare does. She pushes people away when she needs them the most.

The two of us used to be really close friends back in elementary school. Once her parents decided to get a divorce and then her older sister had died in a car crash, she grew distant from everyone around her. She stopped talking to me all together after a while. I knew she was hurting, but she wouldn't let me help, or be there for her. Clare and I just drifted apart.

I find Eli leaning up against a tree in the backyard, smoking a cigarette. His eyes, from a distant, look lost and distraught.

"Hey." I approach softly and carefully.

Eli turns his head in my direction, but doesn't respond. I can see the traces of dried tears on his face. His eyes are red and extremely glassy. I want to hug him, but I don't know what my meaning behind it would be. Will it be sympathy? Or comfort? I'm not sure which. So instead of a hug, I place my right hand on his left shoulder.

"Adam told me what happened. I understand Eli what you're going through. Once upon a time I had to watch her do the same thing to me, except for the whole drinking part. It's painful, I know. We were just kids back then, but we're older now and she has to grow up and make her own decisions. She's damaged Eli, and I know you still care about her." I say as calm as I can manage, but Eli still won't respond.

I then remove my hand from Eli's shoulder. "Say something Eli! Don't stand here and give me the silent treatment! Look, I know it sucks to see Clare do this to herself, but there's nothing that you can do! Snap out of it and get over it. She won't let you help her. You're better off just forgetting about her babe." I seethe with my arms crossed over my chest.

Eli then pushes off the tree he's been leaning against and looks me straight in the eye.

"Forget? Are you fucking high Izzy?" Eli lets out a mocking laugh. "Maybe she wouldn't listen to you, because you didn't try hard enough! You gave up on her! I actually want to help her, but everyone keeps telling me to leave her alone! Clare is in there self-destructing herself, and I'm the only one who can see that! I won't let Clare push me away a second time." Eli spat at me with his voice laced with venom.

"Fine. If that's how this is going to be Eli Goldswprthy, I guess there's no more reason for me to stick around. We are done." I say, and then turn to walk away. And as I head to the back door that leads to inside of the house, I look back at Eli. He's back to leaning up against the same tree, smoking another cigarette.

"Goodbye Eli." I whisper as I reenter the party.

Once I get back into the house, I'm tempted to do three things. First, say something to Clare, she's basically the reason Eli and I just broke up. Second, tell off Adam just like I did to Eli And lastly, I just want to drink more and forget about everything.

Clare

Right now, everything is spiraling out of control. I've left my sanity behind. It's all a blur now. I can't remember how many drinks I've had by this point. I remember smoking something that just made me giggle. I can't even recall why I'm dancing right now. I forget the name of the boy that I'm dancing with. I feel all warm and sweaty. I've got my arms wrapped around this boy's neck while he's got his hands on my waist and our bodies are so close together. I can smell his sweat from this proximity.

I do remember Jake abandoning me and just about breaking up with him. I can somewhat recall Adams black eye and Eli's bleeding lip.

"Excuse me; I need to get some fresh air." I mumble as I maneuver myself out of the boy's arms and head for the back doors, and I unfortunately run into Jake.

"Getting a refill, or running away?" Jake grabs me by my arm, blocking the entrance to the backyard.

I glare up at him and my vision has become so blurry by now.

"No, I'm going outside for air. Now, let go of me!" I protest, but I stumble backwards.

"Yeah, you've had way too much to drink tonight. I'm taking you home." Jake says as he starts to drag me in the opposite direction of the backyard.

"No! I am not going anywhere with you! Let go of me! Let me go Jake! Just let me go!" I scream as I finally make my way outside, and tears start to fall down my face as I enter the backyard.

"Scarlett, you're not stable right now."

I spin around on my heels at the sound of Jakes voice.

"You don't know what you're saying, let alone doing. Just let me take care of you. You're my girlfriend and I …I love you. Please, Clare, just let me take you home." Jake pleads with me.

"You love me?" I shout and scoff at that pity line. "You don't love me Jake! If you loved me, you wouldn't have abanded me tonight! You would have showed me more fucking respect in general since we started dating if you loved me! You didn't have to do what you did to Adam and Eli! That was disrespecting me when you did that. You hurt me all the time, but you don't know you're doing it. I can't do us anymore Jake. I can't be with you. Please, just leave me alone. Just go." I'm in hysterics by now, but I find a bench to sit on so I can stable myself on something solid.

Jake lingers outside for another minute before he disappears back inside the party. As I sit here on this bench, curled up on my legs, leaning against the arm, I spot Eli in the distance leaning against a tree. I have a sudden urge to get up and go run to him for comfort, but I don't know what his reaction would be. Would he recoil from me because I've hurt him in the past? Or would he welcome me into his arms for a comforting hug? I have no idea what to do, so I just remain on this bench until I can get my head to clear up.

My tears have somewhat stopped, but I'm still sniffling. Oh, what did I get myself into tonight? I know that I cannot be alone with all that I'm going through and dealing with, but I can't seem to keep anyone around me long enough. I always end up pushing everyone away when I need them to stay. That's why right now I long to reach out to River. I crave reassurance and sincerity.

"Hey, are you okay?" asks a soft familiar voice.

I look to my left and notice Adam standing next to the bench I'm currently curled up on. I try to give him a weak smile, but I start to cry again.

"Not really Adam. What is wrong with me?" I wipe away some of my tears, but they just keep on coming. "I don't know who I am anymore." I cry.

Adam takes a seat beside me and hesitantly wraps his arms around me. I'm grateful for his gesture and lean my shaking and sobbing form into his.

"Clare, you just have a lot going on and you're struggling with how to deal. You do know that Eli and I still care very much about you. We want to be there for you. I know in time, you'll eventually work everything out on your own. Just pace yourself."Adam gently tells me as he holds me.

I slow down my tears and sobs as I lift my head up to look Adam in the eye. I try to smile once more. And before I can thank Adam, Eli approaches Adam and I.

"Hey." Eli awkwardly greets with both of his hands stuffed into the front pockets of his jeans.

I look up at Eli and see his eyes filled with sorrow. He even looks like he's been crying. I can see the traces of dried tears on one of his cheeks and his eyes also look red and puffy. I have never seen Eli cry before, or look this crestfallen.

"Hi." Is all I can think of what to say back. I start to sit up straight and I get a sudden head rush and get so dizzy that I end up losing my balance and fall off of the bench, but Eli luckily catches me somehow. I then close my eyes shut.


	2. Chapter 2

A Reconnection

Eli

"Clare!" I yell as I catch her as she falls.

She's got her eyes closed shut and that scares me. I have no idea of all what she's had to drink tonight, and witnessing the fight between her and Jake earlier, it has me more worried than I was before.

I gently shake her and she lets out a quiet moan. I sigh in relief knowing that she's semi okay. That is, as far as I know so far.

"Eli?" Clare whispers while I still have her in my arms.

"I'm right here Clare." I say to reassure her.

"Have I told you thank you? Well, if I haven't; thank you. I am so sorry about everything. I really am Eli. You have no idea how sorry I feel Eli." Clare says as she looks straight into my eyes.

I get Clare to stand with my arm around her waist for support. She feels thinner than she used to be. Stress maybe? I'm not going to press the subject right now.

I give Clare a small smile and brush the hair out of her eyes. "You don't have to thank me Clare." I say trying to choke back the worry in my voice.

"I do Eli. I owe you and Adam an apology for everything. I'm sorry and I regret pushing you both away from me. It wasn't fair for either of you guys. I did what I do best. I pushed you both out of my life. And Jake was only a downgrade from you Eli. He only added to my already existing problems. You two are my best friends and I forced myself to lose you. I was being selfish. I understand if you guys can't ever forgive me. I deserve to live alone in the misery that I've created." Clare confesses and lets a few tears escape from her eyes.

I wipe away the falling tears from Clare's face.

"Hey, you're not going to lose us again. Adam and I aren't going anywhere. But hey, Adam do you mind getting a couple of glasses of water, or two water bottles?" I ask so I can talk to Clare alone.

Adam nods his head. "Yeah, I'll be right back." Adam says as he disappears back into the party.

I take Clare's hand and lead her back to the bench she was sitting on before. I gently help her sit down and I then take a seat next her, on her right.

"Why did I let things go so far? I shouldn't have lashed out on you last year." Clare spoke softly as she leans her head on my shoulder.

"Well, we can't change the past. Your words are burned into my memory, but it's best to look forward than backward." I reply as I take a deep breath. "Clare, I know this may be asking a lot, but do you ever think that we could ever pick up after where we left off last?" I ask with little hope.

Clare starts to tremble next to me and I wrap my arms around her to pull her closer to me. I lean down to kiss her forehead and she lets me do so.

"I know you just broke up with Jake and Izzy just broke up with me. And I don't want you to think it as a rebound, or that I can't find anyone else to be with. I don't want anyone else to be honest. I've always loved you Clare. It doesn't matter to me if you're going through a lot of shit, because I want to be there to help you through it." I take another deep breath before I can continue.

Clare stops trembling but I can feel the tears on my shirt that she's silently crying.

"I want to be your shoulder to lean on for support again. I regret letting you walk away from me. I should have fought harder for you to stay with me. We're both to blame for us breaking up. I wasn't in love with Izzy. I couldn't. My heart only belongs to one girl. Clare, none of this is bullshit. It broke my heart tonight when I first saw you. I know this isn't you. And when I watched you fight with Jake, it made my heart ache. I so badly wanted to come to your side when I noticed you crying, but I didn't know what I would say to you. I wasn't sure if you would make me leave you alone, or let me try to help." I stop talking as soon as I notice Adam standing next to the bench with two water bottles in his arms.

Clare takes notice of me not speaking anymore and lifts her head up from my chest.

"Hi." Clare awkwardly greets as she sits up straight, but moves closer to me, almost sitting in my lap.

"Sorry if I'm interrupting you guys." Adam says apologetically handing Clare and I a water bottle.

"It's cool man. We're just catching up. Thanks for the water." And as soon as I said that, Adam took it as his cue to disappear again, so he left to go back into the noisy house again.

"I feel bad for Adam." Clare says quietly as she lays her head back against my chest. "I hate Jake for giving him a black eye and for punching you in the mouth. You two didn't deserve any of that." She adds.

"We were only trying to defend your honor and trying to make Jake see how much of a dumb blind bat he is. We pointed out the obvious and he got defensive. He was in the wrong and I highly doubt that he knew that. But that's all over now. Let's just focus on the present right now." I say while gently rubbing Clare's back.

I hear Clare let out a quiet moan and then a sigh as she adjusts herself to look up at me.

"I don't want anything to move too fast. I know that you'll be going off to college probably in the fall. That means that we only have this summer to reconnect before you leave. Adam will still be with me after you're gone, but he's not you. He can't hold me like you do. He can't kiss me. He can't protect my fears like you can." Clare weeps.

"Shh. Hey, that's months from now. Don't think of that. I'm here now Clare. And I'll still see you when I'm in college. I'll make sure of it. Don't you worry blue eyes. I'm flattered that you'll miss me so much." I say with a lopsided grin.

"It's not funny Eli. I'm being serious." Clare whines with a pout.

"You're too cute." I kiss her forehead. "And I know you're being serious Clare. But don't let that get you down. We'll work something out. I promise you." I try to reassure her.

"Thanks Eli, but it doesn't make it any easier. You and I just reconnected and in a few months you'll be gone again. We have to make this summer count." Clare whimpers into my chest soaking my shirt with more of her tears.

I reach for my water bottle that Adam brought me and drink half of the bottle.

"Clare, here, why don't you drink some water?" I suggest as I hold out my water bottle for her to take.

Clare takes the bottle and slowly sips its contents.

"I don't want to be here anymore." Clare says as she starts to stand up.

"Do you want me to take you home? I can drive you." I offer as I stand up as well.

"Thanks, but I don't want to go home. I don't want to risk waking up my dad, or if my dad is still awake. He doesn't know I came here and would kill me if he knew I've been drinking. Jake and I broke up, so I can't stay at his house for the night." Clare rambles.

What do I so now? Should I take her to my place? Would that be too awkward for the both of us? Is it too soon?

"I could take you to my house if you want." I offer quietly and hesitantly.

Clare looks at me with an expression I can't quite make out. She wobbles back and forth on the heels of her feet, and then looks down at the ground for a few seconds. Once she looks back up at me, I still can't read the expression on her face.

"I guess it's my only choice." Clare whispers.

"Okay. You ready then?" I carefully answer and Clare just nods her head and follows me back into the party.

I have to let Adam know that I'm leaving, because we came to this party together. I have to see if he's ready to leave yet and I'm pretty sure that he is. I find Adam leaning against a wall in a room filled with dancing bodies.

"Adam, hey man, I'm getting out of here. You ready to go home?" I say as I approach my best friend, who looks really drunk.

Adam looks at me with glassy eyes and nods his head. "Yeah, let's go." He says and then follows me and Clare out to my car.

I help Clare into the passenger side of my car and Adam gets into the backseat. I then climb into the driver's seat and start up my car. The ride to Adams house was quiet except for the sound of the radio. I drop off Adam and now it's time to go to my house. I want to make this less awkward, but I just don't know what to say as I drive.

Clare

To say that this isn't awkward situation would be an understatement. This is beyond awkward for me to be back in this house; to be back in this room. Being back in Eli's bedroom brings back so many different memories, so many different emotions.

"Is this okay?" Eli asks me as he holds up a pair of basketball shorts in one hand, and in his other hand he has his favorite Nirvana shirt I had given him as a birthday present on his sixteenth birthday.

I stand almost frozen and I don't trust myself to speak, so I simply nod my head. I try to smile, but I'm not sure of what my face is reading right now.

"Are you alright Clare? You look startled." Eli tells me after he puts the change of clothes for me on his bed.

"I..." I try my best to control my voice and try to swallow back the threatening tears. "It just brings back a lot of memories. This room especially." I take a deep breath in an attempt to calm myself down. "It's been over a whole year since I last stepped foot in this house. It just brings everything back being here. But if you and I are going to pick up where we left off, I'm going to have to get over it." I say as I take a shaky breath.

"I know this might be weird at first, but I promise you that it will get easier with time." Eli tells me as he comes towards me, wraps his arms around me and pulls me into a hug.

"Thank you Eli. Thanks for being there for me tonight. I've been such a mess. I know I looked like a cry for help tonight. I just wanted to be noticed, and I attracted the opposite kind of people that I wanted to notice me. I'm sorry if I scared you at all." I whimper as I let go of Eli's embrace and look up at him through my tear filled eyes.

I go to grab Eli's shorts and shirt he has for me to wear and head for his bedroom door. "I'll be right back; I'm going to just go change in the bathroom." I tell Eli as I open his door and disappear down the hallway.

I reach the bathroom and lock the door behind me. I ache for some kind of release of this overwhelming feeling inside of me. I've done enough self-destruction for the night though. I strip down to my panties and bra and look at Eli's clothes that I have sitting on top of the closed toilet seat. I close my eyes shut and release a few stray tears that I've been holding back. I open my eyes again and take a very deep breath.

"You can do this Clare." I tell myself quietly.

I first reach for the shorts and pull them on. I pause and take another breath before I go to put on Eli's favorite shirt. My hands are shaking as I slip into the shirt. I then turn to look at my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I don't recognize the person staring back at me. It's a mixture of the past girlfriend Eli once had and the monster that I've created.

I want to break the glass in front of me, but I can't because it's not my mirror. I feel like running away and to never look back, but I'm too weak to run. I just got Eli back into my life, I can't run away now. I take another deep breath before I gather my own clothes and exit the bathroom to return to Eli's room. And as I return to Eli's room, I take notice that he changed for bed as well. He's got a pillow and blankets on the floor right next to his bed. He's got a pair of sweatpants on, but no shirt.

"Eli." I squeak out.

"Hey, they still fit you." Eli comments while looking right at me with a smile on his lips.

"Yeah, I guess they do." My hands start to shake again and I will myself to move my legs towards Eli's bed to sit down. "Is this all too fast? I mean I didn't have much of a choice, but I just couldn't risk seeing my father." I start to shudder at the thought. "And I could have just taken my consequences. It's not like it isn't anything I can't already handle." There I go again, opening up again.

"Clare, I'm more than happy to do this. I think it'll benefit for the both of us. It's one step closer to get back what we lost. And I'm letting you sleep in my bed while I sleep on the floor next to you. That way I'll be close but a respectable distance away." Eli says as he sits on his computer chair facing me.

"Thanks." I start with and stop there.

My hands have stopped their shaking, but now I can feel my heart racing. It could be from nerves, but I'm not entirely sure.

"You okay?" Eli asks me with a glint of worry in his eyes.

I want to tell him yes. I want Eli not to worry about me. I want to smile and laugh in joy. I don't want all of this misery in my life. I don't want to be surrounded and haunted by death. First my sister Darcy passes away and then my own mother. My father drowns himself in scotch every day after he gets home from work, and he's been that way ever since Darcy died.

"I...I can't tell you. Not now I can't. In time I will. You just have to be very patient with me Eli." I say softly and I can hear my voice crack as I spoke.

Eli moves closer to me, pulling the computer chair with him and reaches for my hands to hold. I give Eli a small smile at his gesture.

"Take your time Clare. There's no rush. Baby steps." Eli says with a soft smile.

"Thank you." I whisper back.

"I'll always be there for you Clare. But come on, let's get some sleep. I hope you can sleep in my bed just fine." Eli says as he gets up and heads for the light switch to turn off the light.

I nod my head. "I'll be fine Eli. Thank you. Just make sure that you're here when I wake up in the morning." I tell him.

"Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere." Eli says as he turns off his bedroom light and walks over to the blankets he has laid on the floor.

"Okay, goodnight Eli." I say softly as I try to get comfortable.

"Goodnight Clare." Eli replies back.

And now silence. It feels so strange sleeping in Eli's bed again. I don't want to think of the memories. I don't want to think back to that night I lost my virginity to Eli. I fell asleep in this exact spot in his bed afterwards. He had his arms wrapped around me while we slept. All of the conversations Eli and I shared laying in this bed and the arguments as well. It's now starting to feel lonely in Eli's bed.

"Eli?" I whisper in the dark.

"Yes?" Eli responds tiredly.

"Can you sleep next to me please? I'd sleep better if you did." I ask him in a small voice.

"No problem, anything for you." Eli says as he gets up off of the floor and goes to climb into his bed and lays down to my right.

"That's better." I whisper with a smile on lips.

Jake

As soon as I get home, in a drunken rage, I storm into my room and slam my bedroom door shut behind me. I go to my bedside table where I have two pictures of Clare. First, I pick up the picture of Clare and I at the beach last summer. My mom had taken the picture. We're both lying on my beach towel after we got out of the ocean. Clare has a big smile on her face, while I'm just sticking my tongue out at the camera. In rage, I smash the picture in its frame at my bedroom wall. The glass shatters and falls onto my floor along with the tainted memory.

I then take a deep breath before I shakily reach for the picture that always made me smile and made my days better by just looking at it. It's the picture I took of Clare on her birthday last year. She has on this beautiful blue flowered dress and a red rose tucked into her hair. She's got this huge smile on her lips as she's sitting in the grass. I had taken her to the park for a picnic. I surprised her with a bouquet of red and white roses and some sparkling apple cider.

With this picture that I once loved so much, I actually punch the picture frame. My right hand is now throbbing and bleeding. It just makes me so mad over what happened tonight. I may have gone too far by what I did to Eli and his friend, but I can't take it back. Maybe I was a dick for making Clare go to that party with me. And I shouldn't have ignored her the whole time, but Clare is never going to forgive me now.

Looking at all of the broken glass at my feet, I let one single tear filled mixed emotion roll down my face. I lost the one girl that actually made me happy to be with and I abused it. I grew selfish over time and became so self-absorbed in myself that I forgot about Clare's feelings. I missed all of the signs of unhappiness. I put myself before her and it should have been the other way around. I regret what I've done, but there's no way of redeeming myself now. No matter how much I beg for her forgiveness, she'll never take me back. I know for sure that she won't. She's got Eli back in her life now.

Eli

It feels good waking up with Clare asleep in my arms again. It brings a smile to my lips as I watch her sleeping form. I never thought I would get to experience this again. I gently run my fingers through Clare's auburn curls as I watch a smile creep onto her own lips. She starts to stir in her sleep and her eyes slowly start to open. Clare lifts up her head and her smile only widens.

"Good morning." Clare softly says as she stretches her arms.

"Moring beautiful." I respond to the girl I once lost.

"How did you sleep?" Clare asks me.

"The best sleep that I've had in a long time. How about yourself?" I return the question.

"Peaceful." Clare lays her head on my bare chest and starts to play with the drawstrings of my sweatpants. "I miss this." Clare stops playing with the drawstrings and I notice her wipe something away from her face.

She's crying and how I long to take away the pain she's feeling inside.

"Hey, look at me." I gently command.

Clare lifts her head and both of her blue eyes are wet with tears.

"Clare, forget about Jake. He's the past. I know that you're still hurting, but you'll pull through. I know you will because I know how strong you are. We both just got out of relationships last night. And now knowing that you and Izzy used to be best fiends kind of confuse me to be honest. You two are completely different people. You enjoy the simple things in life. Izzy was too high maintenance. I never understood her hate for flowers either." I start to ramble.

"I know why she doesn't like flowers, roses especially." Clare whispers.

"Why?" I dare to ask.

"They remind her of death. She associates flowers with funerals." Clare tells me letting a tear roll down her cheek. She takes a breath. "Izzy's aunt and uncle had both passed away right after my sister died in a car crash. She always hated the color red as well for the same reason. I knew after I stopped talking to her and watching her try to reach out to me, but I had always rejected her. I always had a feeling that she thought I was going to take my own life. I know she was worried about me. I was ten years old when my sister, Darcy, was killed. My dad started drinking then. My mom couldn't take my dad's drinking habit so she divorced him. I stayed with my dad. I was afraid that something bad was going to happen to him if I went to live with my mom." Clare stops talking and lays her head back down on my chest.

I lay still, trying to wrap my head around all of what Clare just confessed. I was not expecting to hear any of this. And she spoke it all with such ease. Clare is still silent, but she's back to playing with the drawstrings of my sweatpants.

"And then a few months after you and I last broke up, my mother passed away from having a heart attack. She was home alone when it happened. Her neighbor across the street from her house found my mother in her kitchen. She was in the middle of making breakfast for herself when it happened. Izzy tried to reach out to me once again once she found out about my mom. I wouldn't let her back into my life. And by that time, I knew that she liked you. It had been six years since I last spoke to her." Clare sniffles a couple of times when she finishes speaking.

How do I respond to all of that? I honestly don't know how to. I go back to running my fingers through Clare's hair again. I now realize that this is what I used to do to her if I didn't know what to say. And when she was lost in thought or needed a distraction, Clare would always fiddle with a piece of my clothing. I guess some habits are hard to break. Neither of us dare to speak. I'm trying to comprehend everything Clare just spoke. For Clare, I have no idea what's going through her mind right now.

Clare

I can't believe that I just told Eli everything that I've been holding in for so many years. Even when we were dating before, I never told him anything about my personal tragedy. I never mentioned to Eli that I had a sister. He never knew who my father is and he never really met my mother. He knew that my parents were divorced, but I never explained why. I also never once mentioned that Izzy, Elis now ex girlfriend, used to be my best friend.

As I lie here, with my head resting on Elis bare chest, I can hear his heartbeat. It's not as steady as it was before I made my confession. It makes me worry a little about what thoughts are going through his mind now.

"Eli? Are you okay? I hope I didn't scare you too much." I softly speak.

"I…I'm just processing everything. It's a heavy load all at once to soak in." Eli responds in a shaky tone.

"I know. I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you. I should have told you so much sooner, but I was still trying to grasp it all myself. Hell, I still am." I take a deep breath before I can continue. "Back when we broke up and I should have never even let that happen, I knew something bad was going to happen to someone close to me. It was coming closer to the anniversary of my sister's death. I always get this odd feeling right around that time. It's hard to explain why. And instead of keeping you closer to me, I pushed you away. It was the worst mistake I have ever made. But I'm not going to let that happen again." I have to stop there because I'm starting to cry again.

Eli stops running his fingers through my hair all of a sudden. Should I be worried about that? I stop playing with the drawstrings of Elis sweatpants and cautiously start to sit up. I'm afraid of what expression I will find on Elis face. As I sit up, I slowly turn to look at Eli. I can't quite pin point the expression on his face. I see sadness, anguish, and maybe confusion? And I badly want to comfort him somehow, but I don't know exactly how.

It frightens me to look at Eli right now. Once again, I want to hide and or runaway, but I feel frozen. My hand starts to shake as I lift it to run my own fingers through Elis messy black hair. At my touch, Eli looks up and meets his eyes with mine. I search his eyes and it breaks my heart to look into his green orbs. I start to open my mouth to say something, but no words come out.

"Clare."Eli softly calls my name, but it feels as if his voice is miles away. He says my name over and over, but I can't respond.

Eli tries to wake me out of my state, but isn't having any luck. I hear him say something, but my brain doesn't register what his exact words are. All of a sudden, I feel something soft touching my lips. At first, my brain doesn't register the familiar feeling, but once it clicks, I begin to come to my senses again. With Eli gently kissing me, I force my fingers through his hair and begin to feverishly kiss Eli back. Eli then pulls away and gently removes my fingers from his hair.

"Clare, slow down. It's okay. It's going to be okay." Eli tells me as he pulls me into his arms.

"How do you know that?" I ask with worry lace in my voice.

Eli doesn't respond with any words but he only holds me in his arms and tries to kiss my forehead, but I pull away from him.

"Eli, I'm not the same girl I was when we were dating. Back then I wasn't myself either. I can't prepare you for all of the lows. I'm not always going to be cooperative. I need to know that you understand this Eli. There's just too much that I'm dealing with and I will always be dealing with. Sometimes a simple kiss won't make things better. I don't know how to approach this. There's just so many things that I've bottled up inside over the years. You're the first person that I've actually opened up to and it scares me to open up to people." I inform Eli.

Eli remains silent and I'm not sure if I should be angry at his lack of response or not. I just opened up and told him more about my personal life than anyone knows. I never told Jake any of what I have told Eli just now. So, in silent defeat I lay my head against Eli's bare chest again and close my eyes.

"You know that I'll never judge you Clare. I meant it when I said I wasn't going anywhere and that I want to be there for you." Eli tells me as he returns to running his fingers through my hair.

I take this as a good sign and a smile creeps onto my lips. "I know you meant it and I know that I can trust you Eli. It was me who walked away before. I got scared because of how close I was getting to you."I confess.

"I let you walk away. I could have at least tried to keep you from walking away that day. But let's not talk about that. We can move on from that and start fresh. It's been a good start so far. Clare, we don't have to rush into anything. We'll take this step by step."Eli says and he's starting to lull me to sleep by stroking my hair.

"Thank you."I whisper as I start to drift off to sleep again.

Eli

I know it must have taken a whole lot of courage for Clare to tell me all of what she has just confessed. I also have a gut feeling that there is more that she's not telling me. That unknown secret is what terrifies me the most. As Clare slumbers, resting her head on my chest, I can't help but to make a silent prayer for having her back in my arms. She's my angel, my fallen angel. I vow to stand by her side through all that she's struggling with. I know she knows that I will, but I'm not sure if she believes it.


	3. Chapter 3

The Aftermath

Jake

Waking up with a buzzing hangover is never fun. I look to my right with squinting eyes and notice that the three pictures that used to stand on my bedside table are gone. Then my right hand starts to throb in agonizing pain along with my head as a response. I look at my right hand and notice the scabs and cuts. Everything is coming back to me in waves. The fight with Clare that ended our relationship, punching Eli and smashing the picture frames. Everything that I shouldn't have done or said, and there's nothing I can do to repair what I've done. I fucked up. I fucked everything up. I admit that now. I resent all that I messed up, but there's no way I can fix this. Right now, I could use a glass of water, aspirin and a hot shower. But first I have to get out of bed.

Adam

I can barely open my left eye today. My hangover isn't helping either. Getting out of my bed was a struggle. The two white aspirin pills I took a couple of hours ago didn't help take any of the pain away. My hangover is tolerable, but the throbbing won't go away. When I came out of my room to go downstairs, my sister, Laura, passed me on the stairs and laughed when she saw my black eye. When my mom saw it, she screamed. I told her that it's nothing to worry about, but since she's my mother, she freaked out about it. She immediately gave me a bag of frozen peas to put on my eye. I told her that it's already swollen and putting the peas on my eye won't help, but she still insisted. Once my dad noticed my black eye, he just shook his head at me.

I wonder how Eli and Clare are doing. The last thing I remember before passing out on my bed is Eli dropping me off with Clare in his car. I remember Eli vaguely saying something about Clare coming home with him last night. But as drunk as I was last night, everything is kind of a blur to me. So, I grab my cell phone off of my desk and scroll down in contacts until I find Eli's name. I press on his name and his phone just keeps on ringing and then I get his voicemail. I then decide to just leave him a voicemail for him to call me back when he gets my call.

Clare

I open my eyes again and nothing has changed since I closed them. I'm still lying in Eli's arms. His warm comforting body is still underneath me. My right arm is resting on his chest along with my confused head. My body is curled up alongside Eli's body. Eli has his left arm wrapped around me and his fingers are stroking my hair soothingly.

"I love this." I whisper, not knowing if Eli can hear me or not.

Eli kisses the top of my head and a smile spreads onto my lips.

"I do too." Eli replies back.

"If I ever scared you, I'm sorry. I never really meant to. Let's think of happier thoughts. But by the way, how's that busted lip of yours feeling? I didn't hurt it when I sort of attacked you lips earlier did I?" I ask as I lift up my head to look into Eli's eyes.

"No. My lip is fine. It is a bit sore, but I believe I'll survive." Eli says with a chuckle.

"I'm glad you find it so amusing." I start to laugh myself. "It was like I was possessed. I honestly don't know what came over me." I say as I sit up.

"It's okay Clare. You didn't hurt me." Eli informs me and then sits up himself.

"This was great Eli, but I think I should get back home before my dad starts to wonder where I go to." I say with a sigh as I run my fingers through my curls.

"Yeah I guess I kept you long enough to myself. It's time to release you back into the wild." Eli teases.

I nod my head and start to get off of Eli's bed, but Eli grabs my hand before I can. I look at him and he's got pleading eyes. I remain still and Eli moves closer to me. Our faces are becoming closer and closer until Eli leans in to kiss my lips. I don't pull away this time, but I don't let myself get carried away. When I do pull away, I can see in Eli's eyes that he didn't want the kiss to end so soon. But I had to.

"I have to go." I whisper.

"Okay, I'll drive you." Eli says sounding defeated.

"It's not like you'll never see me again. We have the whole summer for sleepovers Eli." I tell him as I hop off his bed.

Eli looks at me with a grin spreading across his face.

"Sleepovers? I like the sound of that." Eli winks at me as he gets off his bed as well.

"Eli! Oh you know what I mean!" I scold as I look for my clothes that I wore last night. I find them sitting on top of Eli's computer chair. "I'm going to go change so I'll be right back." I say as I grab my clothes and start to head out of Eli's bedroom.

"Okay, yeah I'll get dressed too." Eli says as I disappear out of his bedroom and head for the bathroom.

As I make my way to the bathroom, I can hear the television on downstairs and smell coffee wafting up the stairwell. Eli's parents must be home. Well, like this can't get any more awkward than it already has. I quickly put on my skirt and tank top and I now realize how short this skirt really is. It barely comes down to my fingertips. And my tank top is showing way too much cleavage that I'm comfortable showing. I don't know what possessed me into buying these clothes and then wearing them in front of people. This isn't at all me. So, I walk back into Eli's room after I'm done getting dressed awkwardly trying to cover myself. I don't know why I'm feeling so self-conscious in front of Eli, but I just want to get back out of this outfit.

"You okay there Clare?" Eli asks me with his eyebrows arched.

"I feel silly in this outfit. It's too exposing."I say as I have my one hand covering the top of my breasts and my other hand is tugging at the bottom of my skirt.

"I'll give you something to wear to go home in. Here, you can just put on my sweatpants and my shirt that you wore last night." Eli says with a laugh as he tosses me his clothes.

"Okay. I'll just go back to the bathroom to change." I say turning around.

"Wait, Clare, just change in here in my room. I'll go downstairs and wait for you down there." Eli says as he goes to leave his room and kisses me on my cheek before he leaves me to change.

Taking in a deep breath, I once again get dressed in Eli's clothes.

Eli

I leave Clare to get changed and head downstairs to wait for her. My mom is in the living room watching one of her favorite television shows.

"Hey, mom." I greet as I reach the bottom of the stairs.

"Hi honey. I heard voices in your room, a girls voice and it didn't sound like Izzy." My mother notes.

I take a big breath. "Izzy and I broke up last night." I say quietly.

"Oh Eli, I'm sorry to hear that. And to be honestly, I didn't like her all that much. I like you and Clare together. You guys are so adorable." My mom goes on with a smile.

"Mom!" I whine.

"Sorry son, but that's my opinion. There's still some coffee in the pot and some leftover bacon in the microwave if you wnt any." My mom informs me.

I nod my head. "Thanks." I respond just as I notice Clare coming down the stairs. I grin as I watch her walk down in my clothes. "Hey there beautiful." I say directly to Clare as she steps down the last step and I can see her cheeks turning red.

"Hi." Clare softly responds and as soon as she spoke, my mom turns around in her chair.

"Clare! Honey, it's so good to see you again!" my mom squeals with delight and gets up to give Clare a hug.

I start to laugh as I can tell my mom is hugging Clare too tight in her arms.

"It's nice to see you too CeCe." Clare breathes out after my mom finally lets go of her.

"Eli, why didn't you just tell me Clare was over?" my mom asks of me and all I do is shrug my shoulders.

"Eli," Clare speaks softly. "Can you take me home." She's still playing with my shirt.

I sense timidness in her voice and find it that it must be awkward for her to see my mother again. I know she wants to go home, but I at the same time I want to keep her here with me all day.

"Okay, let's get you home." I say heading for the front door.

As soon as Clare and I are in my car, there is a heavy silence that I don't know how to break. I start my car and Mumford and Sons "Little Lion Man" starts playing and I go to the next track on my mixed CD and Vampire Weekend "Diane Young" comes on. I hesitate whether or not to skip to the next song or just turn off my music all together.

"Keep it on. I like this song." Clare says quietly next to me.

A few minutes later, I pull up in front of Clare's house too soon.

"Well, this is it. Thank you for everything Eli. Do you still have my cell phone number?" asks Clare as she unbuckles her seatbelt.

"Yeah I do Clare. I didn't have the heart to delete it after we broke up. And you're welcome Clare. You know you can call or text me whenever you want to." I tell Clare with sincerity in my voice.

"I will." Clare responds as she's about to get out of my car.

Before Clare can get out of my car, I lean in and take her face gently in my hands and kiss her. After a few seconds, I pull away. I expect to see a smile on Clare's beautiful face, but that's not what I'm seeing. She's got a solemn look upon her face instead and it breaks my heart to see it.

"Clare," I start but I don't really know what to say.

"I have to go." Clare whispers softly and then disappears from my car.

As I watch Clare walk away from my car and approach her front door, I long for her to be back in my arms.

Clare

I walk through my front door and see no sign of my father and that frightens me. I quietly step through the living room with still no sight of my father. Next, I go into the kitchen and I notice the empty glass that reeks of scotch and an empty bottle next to it sitting on the kitchen counter. There's still no sign of my father anywhere. I then catch a glimpse of something lying on the floor. I go to the sliding glass doors that lead to the back porch, and bend down to pick up the object. I pick it up and I discover that it's a picture of all of us as a family. And Katy has me in her arms with a big smile on her face. I must only be about one year old in this picture. My father has his arm wrapped around my mother and they both look so happy together.

I place the picture of the distant memory of a once happy family on the kitchen counter next to my father's empty bottle of scotch. A tear runs down my cheek as I walk back to the sliding glass doors. I look out at the back yard and I can almost imagine my sister and I playing outside. As I'm standing here, I feel a hand rest on my left shoulder. I scream and turn around only to be face to face with my father.

"Dad, you scared me." I breathe out as tears start to stream down my face and my dad pulls me into a hug.

"I'm sorry sweetheart. I'm sorry for all of the pain I've caused this family. I'm sorry for letting you and your mother down. I'm sorry for making you choose between your mother and I. I blame myself for your sister's death." my dad confesses in a drunken cry.

"Dad, it wasn't your fault. You didn't cause the car crash that night." I say to my mess of a father. My own tears and sobs have slowed down, but my own father now resembles a crying baby.

"If only I tried to be a better father. If only I didn't scream like I did that night." My father cries.

"Dad, I miss Katy too, but she's not coming back. And you have to realize that what happened that night wasn't your fault. She was hit by a drunk driver. No one could have predicted that crash. Please, dad, stop blaming yourself." I try to rationalize with my father.

And then all of a sudden, I feel my right cheek go numb and then grow hot. I look up at my father, who has his hand raised but is trembling.

"Clare, I...I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it. Believe me sweetheart. I didn't mean to." My father begs of me, but I start to back away from him while staring back into his drunken eyes.

"I've had enough of hearing that you're sorry father. Maybe you didn't cause Katy to get into that car crash, but you did drive her out of the house." I spit at my father as I turn and head for the front door.

I slam the front door shut as I run outside of my house. I try to slow my breathing as I head down my front sidewalk, but I can't quite get it under control just yet. And just as it were a sign from God, my cell phone that's in the pocket of Eli's sweatpants starts to vibrate. I take out the vibrating object of out of its hiding place and see that I have one missed call and two text messages. There's no voicemail, but I click on my phone to see who called me.

"Jake." I say out loud to myself. Why would he call me? I actually consider calling him back, but decide against it. We just broke up last night and my head is a mess right now. The two text messages are both from Eli. The first one is making sure he has the right number for me. And the second text is him telling me how much he's thankful for having me back in his life. I have to smile at that second one. I must admit, this morning waking up in Eli's arms again just left me feeling safe, wanted and loved again. I actually woke up with a smile on my face for the first time in a long time. And as if on cue, Eli's name pops up on my phone.

"Hey, Eli." I answer my phone trying to sound as neutral as I can get my voice to be.

"Everything okay Clare?" Eli asks.

"It's my dad." Is all what I can get out of my mouth before I start to breakdown.

"Clare," I faintly hear Eli say but I can hear Adam shouting in the background and the sound of guns going off.

"Is Adam there with you?" I ask Eli.

"Yeah, we're playing video games at my place. Clare, what's wrong? Why are you crying? What do you mean that it's your dad?" Eli starts asking me all at once.

"Can you come pick me up Eli? I need you." I cry on my end of the phone.

"I'll be there as fast as I can." I hear Eli tell Adam that he'll be right back. "Hang tight Clare." Eli tells me as he hangs up.

So I sit on the curb outside of my house waiting for Eli to come and get me away from my house and away from my father.

Eli

Clare hasn't spoken a single word since I brought her back to my house. The three of us are in my room as Adam and I play our video game. Adam and I are sitting on the edge of my bed while Clare is sitting back against my headboard. I keep looking back at her and she always has the same scared look upon her face. Every time I ask her if she's okay, she just starts to tear up.

"Dude, what should we do? She won't talk or move." Adam whispers to me.

"I don't know man, but I'm getting real worried about her." I whisper back.

"I'm right here you two. I know you're talking about me." Clare speaks up and at the sound of her voice makes me jump a little.

"Sorry Clare, we're just becoming concerned." I say as I pause the video game and turn around to face her.

"Don't say that word. I do not want to hear that one word ever again. Do not feel sorry for me either. That's one thing I can't stand the most. I don't need anyone's pity." Clare weeps.

I want to comfort her so badly, but I'm afraid if I approach her, she'll just push me away. But it pains me to watch her breakdown in front of me. So I slowly and carefully approach Clare with caution. I go and sit to the left of her on my bed. I slowly reach my left hand up and touch Clare's soft curls. I gently run my fingers through her hair. At my touch, Clare doesn't pull away surprisingly. She does the opposite and leans into me, while crying on my shoulder. After about ten minutes or so Clare's sobs come to stop. She's now looking up at me with her beautiful blue eyes. She looks frightened and I can see guilt in her eyes as well. I keep running my fingers through Clare's hair, intertwining my fingertips with the ends of her ringlets.

"Thank you." Clare whispers while gazing into my eyes.

At first, I hesitate but then lean in to kiss Clare and she doesn't protest me doing so. I take that as a good sign and just as I start to deepen our kiss, Adam clears his throat quite loud enough for Clare and me to hear.

"Sorry man. I almost forgot you were still here." I half joke to my best friend with my cheeks feeling hot.

"Yeah, I took notice. I'm glad that you two are all lovey dovey again, but please, no making out with me in the room." Adam comments.

"We're not officially together." Clare chimes in.

"Oh. Well, I'm happy for you guys either way. I missed my favorite couple." Adam tells Clare and me with a genuine smile.

"Thank you Adam." I say back and then turn to Clare with a smile of my own.

In my head, I want to tell Clare that I love her, but I know that it's too soon to say those three words. The first time we were dating, we did say it to each other, but so much has changed since then in our lives. Clare wants to take this slow, and I'm going to have to obey her wishes. I think she does know that I love her though.

"Who's up for a group hug?" I joke with a laugh.

"I am!" Adam cheers and Clare laughs and opens her arms wide.

Adam moves in closer to Clare and I and tackles us both into a massive hug.

"This is what I needed. We three just like old times again. I missed this." Clare says as we end our hug.

"I couldn't have said it any better." I say with a grin and I kiss Clare's forehead.

"As much as I love you guys, you will always confuse the hell out of me." Adam says with a laugh and a shake of his head.

"That'll be us." I respond still laughing.

"You'll just have to live with the confusion my dear friend." Clare says with a yawn.

"Is someone sleepy?" I ask as I turn my head in Clare's direction.

"Mmhmm." Clare murmurs as she places her head on my chest.

"I think it's time for me to go home now." Adam says as he gets up from my bed and stands up.

"Alright dude, I'll catch you later." I say to my friend.

"Alright. Later man, take care Clare." Adam says as he's almost out of my room.

"Bye Adam." Clare tiredly responds with a tiny wave of her hand.

As soon as Adam leaves, Clare lets her eyes close and before I know it, she falls asleep in my arms once again.


	4. Chapter 4

Mistakes

Clare

A month and a half has past and I finally had caved in and got help for myself. I've been seeing a psychiatrist twice a week. I'm making progress, but I still feel sort of the same. Maybe in time I'll get better. I know that Eli and Adam are hoping that talking to a professional will help me get through everything I'm trying to deal with. My psychiatrist suggested that I repair my friendship with Izzy. I don't even know how to do that. I completely pushed her out of my life when I was ten years old after Katy passed away. Dr. Cara Ross, my psychiatrist, told me that I should give Izzy another chance and to try to make peace between us.

So here I am, standing right out in front of Izzy's house. I have no clue what I'm going to say to the girl whom I used to do everything with as a child. I hesitate as I stand on Izzy's front porch. I can still turn around and walk away, but that would make me a coward. So here goes nothing. I place my shaky finger on the doorbell and press the little white button. Now, I have to wait for someone to answer the door. After a few moments, the front door opens and I'm actually relieved to be greeted by Izzy's mother. So, I manage a small smile.

"Hi Mrs. McNeily." I shyly greet.

"Clare dear, what brings you by this afternoon? I haven't seen you in years." Mrs. McNeily says.

I swallow hard and try to keep my emotions in check before answering. "I came by to talk to Izzy actually. I owe her an explanation and I guess you deserve one too." I respond as I tug at the hem of my shirt.

"Honey, it's a good thing to do. I understand why you became so remote from everyone, but sweetie, we all need help, even when we don't realize that we need it. But Izabell isn't home right now. I'm sorry." Mrs. McNeily informs me.

"Oh well, let her know I stopped by. Um do you know when I she'll be back home?" I ask.

"She won't be home for another week. She went to visit her Aunt Beatrice in San Francisco. Izzy does have her cell phone with her if you want to reach her that way." Mrs. McNeily tells me.

"That's alright. I'll just come back once she's back home. Thank you Mrs. McNeily, but I must be going back home. It was nice seeing you again." I say as politely as I can.

"You're quite welcome Clare. I wish all the luck to you dear." Mrs. McNeily says before she steps back inside of her home.

I just muster up a tiny smile and a nod of my head before I head back to my car. So, I dodged a bullet there, but I did tell Mrs. McNeily that I'll came back once Izzy has returned home. I have at least a week to collect my thoughts and words so I know what I'm going to say to Izzy exactly. I get into my car and draw a heavy breath. I release the breath and run my fingers through my hair.

"How am I going to go through with this? I can't even talk to Izzy's mom without getting nervous! How the hell am I going to be when I'm actually face to face with Izzy herself?" I say aloud to myself. I put my key in the ignition to start my car and "Brain Stew" by Green Day comes on the radio. I put my car into drive and head back home. I've been spending more time in my room this past month. I've seen Eli maybe a total of two weeks since I started getting help coping with whatever it is that I have. I personally think I've driven myself into a depression. Dr. Ross hasn't fully diagnosed me yet, but I'm certain that's what this is.

When I reach my house, I take notice that my father's car isn't in the driveway. I think nothing of it and park my car in the driveway where I always do. After turning off my car and heading for the front door, I find a note attached to the door. It's from my father stating that he left for Los Angeles for work and he'll be gone for the next two weeks. Well, that's just swell.

"I guess I'll be home alone for the next couple of weeks." I say aloud as I walk into my empty house.

Now what do I do? I now don't have to worry about my father's drinking for two weeks, so that should be a relief. I head upstairs to my room to get away from reality for a little while. I take notice to my phone vibrating in my jeans pocket, so I take out the object to see who's calling me. It's my caring and a tad over protective boyfriend. Wait, did we even establish that we're officially back together yet? I can't recall if we did or not.

"Hey Eli, how are you on this fine afternoon?" I answer.

"I'm good Clare. You seem to be in a really good mood yourself."Eli responds.

"Of course silly! I'm home alone for the next two weeks. I just came close to confronting Izzy, but her mom answered the door and Izzy is visiting her aunt." I start to rant.

"Whoa, Clare slow down. You're talking really fast. And you actually went to go talk to Izzy?"Eli laughs.

"Hey, it was my psychiatrists' idea! And yes, but she wasn't home. Oh well, but hey, do you want to come over and keep me company? I'm so lonely!" I pout.

"Sure thing, I'll be right there Clare." Eli says and I can hear the jingle of his keys.

"Great! I'll see you soon Eli!" I squeal and hang up the phone.

"What is wrong with me? I don't squeal." I say aloud with a shake of my head. I go to my full length mirror to make sure that I don't really look like a crazy person. My clothes look fine, but my hair does look a tad messy. So to fix that, I grab my hairbrush to smooth out my hair. I decide to change my shirt so I put on a red and white striped tank top instead of my black tee shirt. I take another look at myself in the mirror and smile at my reflection.

Eli

I knock on Clare's front door and wait for her to let me in. It has been a few weeks since I last saw Clare in person. We've talked on the phone here and there but I missed actually seeing her in the flesh. When Clare finally opens the front door to her home, what I see is not the Clare I remember last seeing. She looks thinner, and that worries me tremendously. She looks like as if you were to touch her, she'd break. But I can tell that she's putting on a mask to hide whatever it is that she's going through. Is her therapy really helping her at all?

"Hey Clare. It's so good to see you again. I've missed those blue eyes of yours." I greet with a grin, but her eyes look different too.

"Thanks. I've really missed you too Eli." Clare says as she lets me inside of her home.

"So, home alone huh?" I conversationally say so I don't make a slip about her obvious appearance. 

"That's correct!"Clare answers quite cheerfully.

"Clare, how have you been doing?"I dare to ask.

"I'm fine Eli." Clare says quickly, but the tears welling up in her eyes say differently.

"You'd tell me if something was wrong right?" I'm frightened to know the answer to this.

"Yeah." Clare answers flatly.

You lie. "Good." I force myself to smile. "So, now that we're all alone, what do you want to do?" I ask, but I'm still extremely worried and scared for the girl in front of me.

"Maybe you should just go back home Eli. I just remembered that there is something I need to take care of today yet. I'm sorry. I'll call you later though. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day to do something."Clare speaks softly as she approaches me.

I don't understand. "Alright." I lean in for a kiss goodbye, but Clare rejects me and walks right past me and goes to open the front door so I can leave. I try to look at Clare's face, but she has it hidden behind her hair. I long to just brush her hair aside and kiss her lips, but I know she won't let me.

"Bye Clare."I whisper as I walk out of Clare's front door and head back to my car.

Clare

I can't believe I just did to Eli what I promised that I wouldn't do. I pushed him away again. I need him right now and I told him to go. What is wrong with me? If I call him to come back would that make me look desperate? But I am desperate. I don't want to lose Eli. I don't want to shut him out either. So instead of grabbing my phone to call Eli, I go into my kitchen and find what I can drown myself in from my father's liquor cabinet. I walk over to the sliding glass doors that lead to my backyard with a bottle of red wine in my right hand.

"I'm sorry Katy." I whisper as I take a big gulp of the bottle in my hand. "I messed up."

Halfway through my bottle of the bitter tasting alcohol, I hear the front door open and close. I make no attempt to see who just invited themselves into my home uninvited. I remain where I stand; drinking the red wine I took from the counter.

"Clare, what are you doing? Is that wine?" Eli says from behind me.

"Eli," I turn around to face him. "I just want to take the pain away." I sob and the almost empty bottle of wine I had in my hand is now on the floor at my feet. There's glass mixed with wine all around me.

"Clare, hey now shhh." Eli sooths as he approaches me. "I'm here and I'm going to help you get through this." Eli lends me a hand and pulls me away from the mess on the floor that I made.

"Why are you being so nice to me? I made you leave, but you came back." I whimper into Eli's chest.

"Because, I care Clare and I can't risk losing you again from my life." Eli tells me as he lifts up my chin with his fingers.

I can feel my heart start to race as I look into Eli's eyes. "I...I" I begin to stutter and then Eli gently puts his hands on either side of my face as he leans down to kiss me. "I don't want to be alone." I whisper after I pull away from the kiss.

"I won't let that happen. I'll be by your side for as long as you will let me. And once I'm in college, I'll make sure that Adam takes good care of you. You're never going to be alone Clare. You can always text or call me and hell, I'll even get one of those Skype accounts so we can video chat." Eli tells me with a small smile.

I look down at my feet and nod my head. There's a red wine stain on my white sneakers. "Okay. I'd like that." I quietly say still with my eyes fixed on my sneakers.

"Clare, hey, look at me. I want to see those pretty blue eyes of yours." Eli gently commands.

I slowly lift my head and I can feel my eyes moisten as I look upon Eli's solemn face. "I'm just so tired of living like this Eli. I'm tired of feeling this way. And now, I just tried taking the pain away just like my father does. I don't want to end up like my father Eli! I don't want to be completely numb to the whole world! I don't want to feel ashamed. I want to feel, but not this way." I sob.

Eli goes to wrap his arms around me again, but I take a step backwards.

"Clare," Eli begins as he drops his arms to his sides in defeat. "You've got to help me out here a little. I don't know how to help you if you don't tell me how. Tell me boundaries, anything. Just let me know how I can help you Clare. I'm scared I'm going to lose you and I don't want that." Eli finishes with pain written all over his face.

I don't respond, but only to continue to cry.

"Clare," Eli starts to lift his arms again, but then drops them back down. "You're playing the victim." Eli snaps. "You're not the victim here. You just have some shit you need to sort out. You sound like you are the only one in this world who is suffering."

I interrupt Eli's speech by slapping him as hard as I can across his face. I stand directly in front of him, giving him the coldest stare I have ever given anyone in years. This day has gone from bad to worse to completely and utterly horrorifing in only matter of hours.

"I never said anything about being the victim Eli! Where did you get that idea from?" I growl at Eli." I'm only being honest with you! Where's the harm in being honest with someone?" I shout louder. "I love you Eli Goldsworthy! I thought I could trust you with anything."I cry even harder as my whole body starts to tremble and I start to lose my grip on reality as everything now starts to fade to black.

Eli

I catch Clare in my arms right before she hits the floor. I gently pick her up in my arms and carry her over to the couch in the living room and lay her down. As I look down on her, I feel nothing but guilt. I deserved that slap she gave me after I said what I said to her. I kneel down and brush the hair out of her face. "I love you too Clare Edwards. Please don't hate me." I whisper as I stroke my fingers through Clare's curls.

Clare stirs but doesn't wake as I sit here leaning against the couch on the floor. I sigh and draw in a deep breath as I lean my head back. I close my eyes and release the breath I'm holding in. I reopen my eyes to hearing shrill scream hours later. I cautiously sit up to turn to look at Clare and she's sitting up with a look of panic on her face. She's panting and has her hands clutching at her chest. There are tears streaming down her face as well. I want to take her into my arms and hold her, but I'm afraid she won't let me touch her.

I go to reach my hands out towards Clare and brush her hair away from her eyes and she flinches at my touch. She doesn't stop me; she just closes her eyes and lets her hands fall away from her chest. I go to move from the floor to sit with Clare on the couch with her and she lets me do so. So, I maneuver myself to sit behind her as she has her back leaning against my chest. Neither of us speaks. I've got my fingers brushing through her hair while she plays with the hem of her shirt.

"I do forgive you Eli and I don't hate you." Clare speaks quietly.

I don't respond because I don't know how. I'm actually afraid to open my mouth. Clare seems to accept my silence though as she leans farther into me. She tilts her head to look at me and she has a soft reassuring smile on her lips.

"I love you Eli." Clare whispers to me so soft.

A grin breaks out on my face at those three words. I lean down to kiss Clare and she doesn't stop me this time. "I love you too Clare."I say back after I lie my head back against the couch.

Clare lies back with her head on my chest as I close my eyes. I can feel one of her hands at the hem of my shirt as her other hand is in the inside of my shirt. I slightly shiver as her fingers crawl up the skin of my chest. She's running her whole hand over my chest and I let out a soft moan. And now I feel my shirt being lifted, so I decide to help out Clare and take off my shirt, all while keeping my eyes closed. I start to smile as I can feel Clare leave soft kisses all over my bare chest. Clare makes her way up to my neck and kisses my forehead before placing her lips on mine.

I now have my own hands inching their way up Clare's shirt as I reopen my eyes. She lets out a quiet moan when my fingertips reach the bottom of her bra. Clare starts to squirm a little, but doesn't stop me while my fingers feel for her nipples through her bra. To my surprise, Clare pulls away from my lips to take her own shirt off. She goes back to kissing my neck after she tosses her shirt on the floor. Moments later, she's back to sucking on my lips. My hands find Clare's breasts again and I rub and squeeze them through her bra. Clare moans louder this time as she slips her tongue in my mouth to caress my own.

Clare has her hands in my hair, but she suddenly takes them away and the next thing I know, she's reaching behind her back to unhinge her bra. I take this as to sit up and let her bra fall off of her shoulders. And as I do so, Clare's eyes are shining and she's got a big smile on her lips. I can't help but to smile back.

"You're so beautiful."I say softly looking straight into Clare's gleaming blue eyes.

Clare smiles back as she sits straddling me. I lean forward and kiss her soft lips as my hands go back to fondling her small, but plump breasts. A few minutes later, I pull my mouth away from hers and gather her right nipple in-between my lips. I've got one hand squeezing her left breast as I cup her right with my other hand. I gently transition to Clare lying on her back as I straddle her hips. I remove my mouth from her right nipple and latch onto her left. I've got Clare moaning underneath me. She's got her fingers pulling at my hair. When I lift my head, her eyes are closed and she's biting on her bottom lip. I smile as I lean down to kiss her lip.

Clare then starts to pant as I reach my right hand down to the top of her jeans and I slip my hand underneath. I look upon her to make sure she wants this to go any further and she's still go her eyes closed shut.

"Don't stop Eli."Clare pants.

So, I go ahead and unbutton and unzip her jeans with my left hand. Clare wiggles out of her jeans as I help her take them off. I take a few seconds to look upon Clare's half naked body before I make my next move.

"Your turn." Clare says suddenly, bringing me back to reality.

I look at Clare's face and she's got a look of pure seduction all over it. I only nod my head and begin to take off my own pants, but Clare stops me by placing her hands on top of mine. I give Clare a confused look but then I drop my hands to my sides and start to grin. Clare unzips my jeans and tugs to pull them off of me. I let her do all the work. After Clare gets my jeans off, she goes back to kissing my mouth. She brings me down on top of her as she lies back down on the couch.

I once again venture my right hand to the top of her underwear. I gather the silky material between my fingers as I move my mouth to Clare's collarbone. Clare lets out a loud gasp as I slip my left hand up from the bottom of her underwear. I then give Clare one more kiss on her forehead before I remove my left hand and carefully slip off her underwear entirely. I now take to advantage of looking down upon Clare's naked body beneath me. I grin knowing that she trusts me enough to touch her body like this once again and to make love to her again. I lean back down and leave a trail of kisses starting from her forehead, down to her groin. I gently open her legs and place little kisses on her inner thighs.

Clare arches her back as I place my hands under her to bring her closer to me. I look up at Clare's blissful face before I place both of my hands on either side of her inner thighs, widening her legs slightly more. I begin with slipping my tongue inside of her and flicking my tongue at her clitoris. Clare arches her back even more the faster I move my tongue back and forth. She cries out in pleasure, but I don't let her climax just yet.

Before I pull away from Clare, I stick my right index and middle finger inside her to tease her a little bit. She squirms in delight as she starts to moan again. I pull my fingers out and bring myself back to kissing Clare's breasts while massaging them in my hands. Then Clare reaches her hands down to the top of my boxers to slip them off of me.

Clare

I've got my hands wrapped around Eli's neck as he pumps in and out of me. I feel nothing but pure ecstasy right now. In my drunken haze, I made up my mind that I need to be touched. Just what the doctor ordered right? I'm getting my fix. Eli's breathing becomes harder the faster he slides in and out. I loosen my grip on Eli's neck and run my fingers through his hair as I reach up to kiss his lips. I then toss my head back as I can feel a powerful surge of nothing but bliss. I open my mouth to let out a scream as Eli starts to slow his pace.

"I want you to get on top of me." Eli pants.

I open my eyes and begin to sit up as Eli lies down on his back. I situate myself to straddling Eli's hips. And in rhythm, I bounce and grind against Eli's groin. I grin as I hear Eli moan loudly from underneath me.

"Eli!" I scream as I can feel that I'm coming close to climaxing. I place both of my hands on Eli's chest as I grind harder against him. My own breathing becomes rougher the faster I move my body. I close my eyes as I ride Eli. I can feel my whole body shake down to my core with pleasure now.

"Not yet." I hear Eli speak and he suddenly flips me onto my back, with him above me.

I'm trying to match Eli's pace he thrusts harder and faster in and out of me. I'm whimpering now, because I know how close I am to exploding with my own juices. My legs start to grow weak, but I keep going and push myself to the finish. Eli's movements become short and quick. Every time he thrusts inside of me, I let out a cry. I'm gripping the couch cushions underneath me with a death grip. I'm so close now to release. I curl my toes and arch my back as I begin to moan loudly. My moans turn into screams as Eli quickens his pace.

"Eli! Oh God! Eli!" I cry out beginning to quiver again.

"Hold on. Just...about…there."Eli pants.

"Hurry!"I moan as I place my hands on Eli's back, over his shoulders, and lightly dig my fingernails into his skin. I flex my fingers in anticipation. With my back arched still, I bring my hands back to Eli's head and grab a hold onto handfuls of his hair. I pull Eli's face close to mine as I give him a rough kiss on the lips before burrowing my face in the crook of his neck. I don't know how much longer I can last. I can almost feel the warm stickiness between my legs begin to flow from inside of me. With one final scream, I surrender and feel my body collapse with release.

Seconds later, I hear Eli give his last moan as he too collapses. He then slowly pulls out of me and falls backwards on the couch. We both lie panting, trying to catch each other's breath. And about five minutes later, I stand up and Eli looks up at me with a wide grin on his face.

"I love you."Eli tells me still grinning.

""I love you too. Now, I'm going to take a shower. You can join me if you like." I wink at Eli seductively and slowly make my way towards the stairs.

I make it to the bathroom when I feel Eli wrap his arms around my waist. We walk into the bathroom together and I reach to turn on the light and gently unravel Eli's arms from around me. I then approach the shower to turn on the hot water. Once the water reaches the right temperature, I step into the tub and stand right under the hot water. Seconds later, Eli comes in to join me.

"Hey there." I say as I turn to face Eli.

Eli grins devilishly as he takes a step closer to me. He eyes the bottle of body wash and takes it off the shelf it's sitting on. He opens the bottle and squirts out some of its contents into the palm of his hand. Eli starts with rubbing his hands together before he goes to wash my body. He begins with my shoulders, moves down to my chest and rubs both of my breasts with the wash. He lifts each breast and gets the underside of them. He washes his hands over my belly and moves down to my groin. He bends down and washes over the front of my legs, to the tops of my feet.

"Ahh! That tickles Eli!" I giggle as Eli touches my feet.

Eli looks up at me and laughs. "Okay, now turn around so I can get your back." Eli laughs as he stands and spins me around.

I close my eyes as I face the water and wash off all of the body wash. As I do this, Eli is rubbing my back with the body wash. I feel his hands on my butt and I jump a little.

"Jumpy are we now?" Eli teases me.

"Oh hush."I turn around to face Eli. "And now, my turn to wash you." I wink with a smile as I grab the bottle of body wash in my hand and put some in my hands. I start with placing my hands on Eli's chest and start rubbing my hands up and down his chest and his stomach. I rub his shoulders and neck next. I then put a little more body wash in my hands and place my hands over his penis and start to move my hands up and down over and over again.

I look at Eli's face and he starts to groan. I reach up to kiss Eli and then I turn to the side to wash the body wash off of his body myself. Once I finish washing Eli, I step in front of him again and stand on my tiptoes to kiss his lips. As Eli kisses me back, he hoists me up and I wrap my legs around him. He then has my back against the wall and once again thrusts himself inside of me.

I hungrily kiss Eli's mouth to suppress my cries as he thrusts himself in and out of me. I'm starting to feel sore, but I also don't want Eli to stop. After about ten minutes, and Eli's pace starts to quicken, I feel a few tears fall from my eyes. This makes Eli stop and pull his face away to look at mine.

"Clare," Eli says out of breath "are you okay?" Eli asks me with worry in his eyes.

"I'm just sore." I choke out.

Eli then gently slides out of me and sets my feet down back in the tub and I look up at Eli feeling a little ashamed. "I'm sorry." I say quietly and my now weak legs give out from underneath me and I start to slip forwards, but Eli thankfully catches my fall.

"Alright, I think it's time to dry off and rest. I don't want you getting hurt." Eli says as he picks up my naked form and carries me out of the shower and softly sits me down on top of the closed toilet seat. Eli then turns off the running water and turns to face me. "Where are your towels?" he asks me. I point to the closet behind him and he opens the blue door and hands me a pink towel, and grabs a green one for himself.

Eli

"Can you stand?" I question Clare with my eyebrows arched. She nods her head and just to be sure, I reach out my hands ready tp catch her if she dose fall. Clares smile suddenly turns into a frown and I can see a flash of fear in her eyes.

"Here, why don't I just carry you?" I say as I go to pick up Clare, bridal style, and walk out of the bathroom and head for her bedroom. I get to her bedroom and gently set her down on her bed. Clare is still panting a little from our little adventurous shower episode. She starts to shiver slightly, so I hand her the towel I grabbed for her.

"Thanks." Clare speaks softly as she wraps herself in her pink bath towel.

"No problem sweetheart." I say with a smile and a nod of my head.

"I guess I'm a little out of practice." Clare comments as she starts to carefully get off of her bed and dries herself off.

"What do you mean by that? I thought you were perfect." I tell her with a grin.

"Oh Eli, you're just saying that! It's been awhile since I've done anything like that is all. To be blunt, it's been awhile since I had sex with Jake. I know you didn't want to hear that, but it's the truth." Clare tells me with a mixture of bitterness and sadness in her voice.

"Oh. Well, that's alright."I say and that's all I can think of what to say back.

"But tonight was wonderful Eli." A big smile spreads across her face. "Thank you for letting me experience that again with you. I've missed you so much." Clare stands up on her tip toes and kisses my right cheek.

I can't help but let out a chuckle. I lift her back up in my arms and lean my head down so I can capture her lips with mine. I pick Clare up and lay her down on her bed as I join her. I start to probe my tongue at Clares lips, begging to enter and she opens her mouth. My tongue finds her own as I place my left hand on the top of her stomach. Clare places her hands around the back of my neck to bring me closer to her body. We still both have our towels wrapped around our bodies. I slip my hand through the cloth to touch the bare skin on her stomach and I feel her body tense up. Our kiss starts to slow, but I think nothing of it. Once I start to move my hand lower on Clares torso, she breaks our kiss.

"Everything okay?" I hesitantly ask as Clare loosens her grip on the back of my neck and rolls over so she's lying on her back. She's not saying anything; she's just staring at her ceiling. "Clare?" I try to gently touch her right cheek, and she closes both of her eyes.

"You leave in a month and a half, or probably even sooner. I know we have to make this summer count, but I don't want to spoil it by all we do is have sex Eli. There are so many other things that we can do." Clare stops talking and I take notice of the tears trailing down her face.

"Hey, we will have our adventures Clare. I know me leaving for college is coming quicker than you like, but remember I told you we can work it out. Clare, please, stop crying. I can't stand it to watch you cry." I softly, but firmly say while getting up from the bed.

"Where are you going?" Clare asks me as I head for the door of her bedroom.

"I'm just going downstairs to put my clothes back on." I answer back.

"Okay. I guess I'll do the same, but I'm just going to put on my pajamas. I'll meet you downstairs." Clare says as she too gets off of her bed.

I nod my head and leave Clare to get dressed. I head back downstairs and I shake my head with a grin on my face as I approach the couch in Clares living room. Our clothing is all scattered on the floor. I pick up my boxers first after I drop the towel that I have around my waist. I then slip on my jeans after my boxers before putting on my shirt. I run my fingers through my messy hair as I let out a sigh and then take a seat on the couch. I can't even begin to believe that tonight's events even happened. I didn't think that Clare would let me touch her like that ever again. But what Clare doesn't know, is that there is something that I've been holding back from her, and she'll kill me if she finds out before I leave for college.


	5. Chapter 5

JConsequences

Clare

I draw a huge deep breath after Eli leaves me to myself to get dressed. I start rubbing my temples with my fingers while I cross my bedroom to my dresser. My whole body aches all over the place. My head is feeling so damn confused! Was having sex with  
Eli a mistake? It felt amazing, but I'm just not sure if it was all just a spur of the moment kind of thing, or if there's an underlining to it. I drop the towel I have around my waist to the floor as I grab my pajamas. I set the purple silky pants,  
along with the matching tank top on the top of my dresser as I get out a fresh pair of underwear. I slide on my blue underwear and then put on my matching set of pajamas. I'm not even going to bother to put on a bra. My breasts are small enough without  
the support.

After I finish getting dresses, I leave my room and head for the downstairs to join Eli. I try to muster up a smile on my face before I become face to face with Eli again. I reach the bottom of the stairs, and I find Eli sprawled out on my couch watching  
television. I shake my head as I go to sit on the couch by his feet, but he doesn't seem to notice.

"Eli?" I try, but I get no response. He's just staring off into space while looking in the direction of the television screen. I'm trying to be patient as I sit in silence. The fake smile on my face turns into a worried look. There's an appropriate time  
for silence, but right now I don't want it, not from Eli. I let out a loud sigh, just to make my presence known, but Eli is still oblivious to me.

About a half an hour goes by and I can't take Eli's silence anymore. So I get up from the couch to go into the kitchen so I can find myself something to drink. Eli suddenly sits up and my heart just about jumps out of my chest from Eli's unexpected movement.  
I stand frozen with my hand clutching at my chest with my heart beating fast. I stare at Eli while I try to catch my breath.

"How are you holding up?" Eli speaks, and his tone of voice sounds strange to me.

At first, I can't find my own voice from being startled, but I find it. "I'm okay. I'm still a little sore yet. Thank you for asking." I respond with my voice coming out sounding dry and raspy.

Eli nods his head in response. I then just take his silence in defeat and walk into the kitchen to get myself a drink. I find a pitcher of orange juice in the refrigerator and place it on the counter. I then open one of the cabinets and get out a glass  
and pour the juice into it.

"Clare, I didn't mean to scare you. I was just lost in thought. There has been a lot on my mind lately." Eli apologizes but his speech gets interrupted by his cell phone going off. "I'm sorry, but I have to take this call." Eli tells me as he takes out  
his phone from his pocket.

I only nod my head and Eli disappears out my front door. I throw the glass in my hand on the floor in frustration. I watch the impact and stand staring at the broken glass at my feet. I feel like pulling my hair out. This phone call of Eli's better be  
fucking important!

Eli

"Lily, what's up?" I answer softly because I don't want Clare over hearing me.

"I'm just so excited about living together soon! Joey still insists that he needs the larger room in our apartment. I vote that I get that room, but I guess we'll see. I miss you Eli! Am I going to see you before we move in?" Lily tells me.

"Umm I am spending time with my friends before I leave. I miss you too Lil. I want to be careful with how I leave things with Clare before settling into our apartment." I say while looking into Clares kitchen window and see her standing in her kitchen  
crying.

"Yeah I know Eli. You told me this before. The poor girl won't even see what's coming her way." Lily bitterly responds.

"Lil, Clare and I have history. I'm going to have to come up with a way to let her down as gently as I can before I leave for school. But, hey, can I call you back? There's something I need to take care of. I'm sorry Lily; I promise I'll call you later."  
I speak quickly.

"Sure, just don't forget." Lily says dramatically.

"Okay sorry for cutting our conversation short. Bye Lil." I finish before I let her get in another word and hang up our call. I then shove my phone back into my pocket and reenter Clares house.

"Clare?" I call out, but all I hear are her sobs coming from the kitchen. I walk in to find her curled up in a ball on the floor. She's shaking while she cries and I take notice to the shattered glass next to her. I kneel in front of her and reach my  
hands out to comfort her, but she shakes her head.

"Clare, talk to me. What happened? What's wrong?" I whisper. I try to touch her again, but she sits up and puts her back against the counter while wiping away her tears.

"Don't touch me Eli." Clare warns me with so much venom in her voice.

"What has gotten into you this time? All you do is cry and pity yourself! One day you like me and we're all over each other, and then the next day you're acting so cold! I'm getting so sick of the games Clare! I really want to be there for you, but you  
make it so fucking hard to! Yeah, I know you've got all of these issues to sort out, but you're not the only one!" I snap as I stand back up. "Maybe it is for the best that I'm leaving soon. That way you can get your shit together." I take a deep  
breath as I start to pace back and forth in Clares kitchen.

After pacing for about ten minutes, I stop moving and face Clare. I look down at her small figure and for the first time since I came back inside the house after my phone call, I take notice of the blood on the floor. I look closer and find blood coming  
from Clares feet. She must have stepped in the broken glass while I was talking to Lily. I leave the kitchen to go upstairs to the bathroom to find some sort of first aide. I return to the kitchen with a bottle of peroxide, tweezers, gauze and medical  
tape. I carefully and slowly approach Clare so I can clean her wounds.

"This might sting a bit." I gently tell Clare as I get ready to pour some of the peroxide on the bottom of her left foot. As I pour the liquid, Clare lets out a shriek and hisses at the pain. She closes her eyes as I continue with my work. Next, I pick  
up the tweezers and very gently remove a few pieces of glass from Clares foot. I then pour more of the peroxide on her wounds before I grab a towel to dry off her foot. Lastly, I take the gauze and wrap her foot up. I then repeat the process over  
on her right foot.

"I'm all done." I say as I gather the supplies and stand up.

"Thank you." Clare says quietly.

I look down at the small frame of the girl that I once loved so dearly and only find fear in her blue eyes. I put that fear in those eyes. I feel guilty as I look at Clare. I know it's not fair of me for what I'm doing to her. I'm going to break her heart  
when I leave for college. She'll never forgive me once she finds out about Lily. This really wasn't what I imagined this summer to be like.

"You're welcome Clare." I respond as I go to the kitchen counter to find some paper towels to clean up the mess on the floor.

"I'll clean up. It's my mess anyway." Clare speaks from behind me.

I turn around to face her and she's got her head hanging down with her hair hanging in her face. I take my right hand and gently lift up her chin so I can look at her face. The fear is still there in her eyes. I hate seeing it. I lean down to kiss her  
lips and gently place both of my hands on Clares waist and I bring her closer to me.

"I'm sorry." I say as I end the kiss.

Clare looks up at me with confusion and shifts her weight from foot to foot. It almost looks like she's dancing, but I can read the pain that's written all over her face.

"Sorry for what Eli?" Clare questions me.

I draw in a deep breath and run my fingers through my hair. "How about you go sit down and prop up your feet. I'll clean up in here." I tell Clare avoiding her question for right now. Clare just nods her head and goes back into the living room. I grab  
a lot of paper towels to clean up the mess on the floor with. While Clare goes to rest, I'm wiping up the blood and picking up the shards of glass. I've got to find a way to tell Clare about Lily somehow now, now that she knows something is up.

style="text-align:center;"Clare

I don't get it. Did I do something wrong? One moment everything's fine and Eli is telling me that he loves me, wants to make love to me and then before I know it, he turns on me. And now he's apologizing to me, but for what exactly? I do not understand  
what is going on here. As I lie here on the couch with my feet propped up, I try to find something on television to distract me, but I'm not finding anything. I can hear Eli in the kitchen moving around and grumbling about something or other.  
If Eli loves me, then why is he acting so hot and cold? I feel a tear roll down my cheek and I close my eyes and wipe away my tears. I take three big breaths before I open my eyes again. And just as I open my eyes, I take notice of Eli sitting  
on the chair to my left. He's just sitting there with a solemn look upon his face. If only he would talk to me and tell me what is going on.

"Eli." I speak and my voice sounds so small. I don't really know what to say, but his name. He turns his head in my direction, but won't respond. Part of me doesn't even want to know what he's thinking about. Eli let s out a heavy sigh and runs his  
fingers through his hair.

"This isn't going to be easy for me to tell you." Eli begins and I feel my heartbeat quicken its pace." I know all that I promised you. About how I would never leave your side, that I wanted us to get another chance. The past month or so that we didn't  
see each other..." Eli pauses and runs his finger through his hair again. "I was getting ready for college and I found this apartment that is close to campus. The thing is that I'll be having two other roommates. There's Joey and Lily. The three  
of us have gotten close since we met. Lily and I especially." Eli stops talking and turns away from me.

I'm crying now and my heart aches. It feels as if someone took a knife and struck me in the heart with it. I feel like throwing up. "Leave." I choke out.

"Clare, I'm s sorry." Eli tries to protest.

I shake my head. "Leave!" I cry out louder pointing to the front door.

"Clare." Eli tries again.

I shake my head while the tears stream down my face. "Just go to your new girlfriend! I bet she can make you happier! I'm so sorry that I have my issues! If I'm too much to handle than why did you stick around for as long as you did? Why did you tell  
me that you love me if you were just going break my heart Eli Goldsworthy? You're the sick one! Just please get the hell out of my house Eli. I don't want to see or talk to you ever again." I say sternly while crossing my arms across my chest.

Eli gets off of the chair and with his head hung, and his shoulders slumped in defeat, he turns to head for my front door. I can see pain on his face as he lowered his head to walk away from me. It almost broke my heart even more to see it, but I  
have to be strong here. He's the one who broke my heart, broke my trust. Once Eli reaches my front door, and puts his hand on the doorknob, he turns around to look back at me.

"Goodbye Clare." Eli speaks with what I presume is regret in his voice.

I choke back my tears as I watch Eli walk out my front door for what may be the last time. I don't have the strength to say anything back to him, so I just stare at him with cold eyes. Eli closes my front door and I let out a blood curdling scream.  
If anyone can hear me right now, they'd think that I'm being murdered probably.

Adam

"What is wrong with you man? Why would you go and do that Clare? She doesn't deserve you to do this to her! She has been nothing but loyal to you, why can't you be loyal to her? Clare loves you, you idiot! Well, not anymore she probably doesn't because  
you messed that up! You don't go and fall for some other girl when you already have a great girl like Clare by your side." I scold Eli as we stand in my room.

"I thought that I should be honest with her." Eli says with a shrug like what he just did to Clare was nothing.

I punch my best friend as hard as I can in his left arm. "No! You just destroyed her Eli! She let you back into her life, she lets you have sex with her, and then you go and ruin everything!" I lecture Eli.

"I'm sor…" Eli starts, but I cut him off.

"Sorry? No, you're not sorry. If you were sorry, you wouldn't have done what you did. I would say for you to go apologize to Clare, but it's best if you don't. I'll check up on her myself and try to do damage control as best as I can." I take a deep  
breath, release it and shake my head at my friend.

"Adam, I do feel ashamed for what I did to Clare. Please, hear me out. I still love Clare but, not in the way that I once did. Things have changed over this summer. I have no excuse for hurting Clare. Clare and I weren't really in a relationship,  
we were just having fun. I met Lily and just wanted a companion when Clare grew distant. I know this makes me look like an insensitive ass, but…"

"Eli, Stop. Just stop trying to justify what you did to Clare. This is all giving me a headache. Why don't you just go home, and I'll call you and let you know how things go after I talk to Clare." I tell Eli.

"Thanks Adam. I appreciate it." Eli says with a nod of his head before he exits my room.

"Just don't make me regret not killing you right now." I half joke.

Eli gives me a grin and then leaves my bedroom. So, now I have to call Clare and try to figure this entire mess out.

Clare

What the hell do I do now? My head feels so mixed up. I should be so pissed at Eli right now, but I don't even know what emotion I'm feeling right now. I feel used. I feel so confused mostly. Did Eli just tell me that he loves me just to have sex  
with me? Did he deliberately take full advantage of me while I was so vulnerable? And if that's true, why would he do such a thing to me? My feet are still throbbing in pain from stepping in glass. My whole body is sore. As I lie here on the living  
room couch, all I can do is stare blankly at the television. I don't even know what I'm watching anymore and I don't have the energy to even care.

After talking to Adam, nothing has changed. I still feel betrayed. I know things may change between Eli and I, but he hasn't even left for college yet. He's seeing this girl that he's going to be living with and there's nothing I can do about it.  
I know Eli and I had never officially got back together, and I'm not sure exactly what we were, but it still feels like a breakup. I guess you could say we were friends with benefits. I honestly don't even know which one of us screwed it up.

I know I have my issues that I have to deal with, but that gives Eli no excuse to do what he did. If I was too much for him, then why did he string me along so far? He could have confronted me to my face. Yeah, I would have been still hurt but this  
feel worse. He could have talked to me instead of tricking me. And now that I think about it, we never used a condom. Fuck.


	6. Back To Reality

Eli

Summer has finally ended and my life as a college student has officially begun. I love the college life. I'm doing pretty well in my courses. And living with Lilly and Joey has been a blast. It's been almost two months since I've last spoken to,  
or seen Clare. I've been meaning to call her, but I just don't know what to say. I've picked up my phone several times in attempt to call, but every timeI fail to do so.

"Eli, can you come here?" Lilly calls from our kitchen. "I need your help."

"Sure thing Lil." I call back as I make my way into the kitchen after pausing my video game. "So, what 'cha need my help for pretty lady?" I ask with a lopsided smile as I lean against the kitchen counter.

"I can't reach the sugar on the top shelf that someone, not naming names, put there. You and Joey know that I can't reach up there." Lilly pouts.

"Sure Lilly." I laugh as I go to bring down the jar of sugar and set it down on the counter. "So, what exactly do you need the sugar for, and the flour?" I ask curiously as I eye the supplies Lilly has all over the kitchen counter.

"I'm baking cupcakes from scratch." Lilly says with a big smile on her face.

"What kind of cupcakes and what's the occasion?" I ask as I go to wrap my arms around Lilly's waist and kiss her neck.

"Well, I was thinking of doing vanilla, but that's too boring so, I was thinking of doing chocolate cupcakes filled with Nutella and topped with raspberry frosting." Lilly tells me and then turns around in my arms to face me. "And there's no occasion.  
I just wanted to bake." Lilly then kisses me as drapes her arms around my neck.

With my arms still around her waist, I hoist her up onto the counter while not breaking our kiss. Lilly wraps her legs around my waist and I've got my hands on her lower back, inside of her shirt. The harder Lilly presses my body against her own,  
the more she moans into my mouth. I remove my mouth from hers and start nibbling on her neck. Lilly's moans are getting louder the more I suckle on her neck. I alternate from either side and as I do that, I lift up Lilly's shirt with my fingers. I  
get her shirt off and start leaving a trail of kisses from her collarbone down to the top of her breasts.

I can see Lilly put her hands behind her back so she can unhook her bra as I've still got my mouth on her right breast, and then I feel another presence in the kitchen and I hear Lilly let out a small scream. I look up at Lilly and she's got a  
look of horror and embarssment on her face. I then turn my head to see Joey standing in the kitchen.

"Uhh hey man." Joey awkwardly says. "I was just umm getting something to drink, but uhh I guess I can wait. I'm going to go now." Joey turns around while shaking his head and walks back out of the kitchen leaving Lilly and I alone again.

I start laughing as soon as Joey leaves the kitchen.

"It's not funny Eli! That was so embarrassing!" Lilly whines.

I shake my head. "No. That was funny. The look on Joeys face was priceless." I say to Lilly as I trace circles on her stomach.

"Now you're trying to distract me! Not fair." Lilly pouts.

"Is it working?" I ask her with a grin as I hook my fingers in the waistband of her shorts, bringing her body as close as to mine as possible.

"Yes!" Lilly squeals right when her body comes in contact with my own.

"Good." I whisper huskily into her ear and start nibbling on her earlobe.

Lilly moans my name as I move my mouth from her earlobe and back to her neck. She leans back to unhook her bra again and successfully slips it off and tosses it onto the kitchen floor. My lips curl into a grin against Lilly's skin as I feel her  
bare breasts pressed against me. I then take the opertunity to take off my own shirt and swiftly bring Lilly down off of the counter. With her still in my arms, I carry Lilly into my room and let us both fall into my bed.

"Eli, my cupcakes!" Lilly giggles underneath me.

"Forget them. You can bake later." I tell Lilly as I go to kiss her jawline.

"Okay." Lilly says back as I feel her hands on the zipper of my jeans.

I take Lilly's hint and slide my jeans off. She then proceeds to take off her shorts next. I place both of my hands on Lilly's sides with a grip and flip her so she's on top of me. With her on top of me, I hold onto her hips as I go to kiss her  
plump lips. As Lilly slips her tounge into my mouth, my one hand finds its way to one of Lilly's breasts and give it a squeeze. Lilly gasps against my mouth the more I squeeze her breast. I then transition Lilly to her laying underneath me without  
breaking our kiss.

I feel Lilly's fingers slip inside of the waistband of my boxers and they begin to tug them off of me. I slip my own fingers inside of Lilly's underwareand pull them off of her body. I gently widen Lilly's thighs with my hands as I guide  
myself inside of her. With every thrust I give, Lilly gives out a scream. Lilly pants as she matches my rhythm. I lean down to place my lips over hers to quiet her screams and she starts nibbling on my upper lip. I pull back to put my mouth to the  
side of Lilly's neck and her screams turn into moans. My lips turn into a grin at the sound.

Clare

"Adam, I think I'm pregnant!" I cry on the phone to my best friend at two in the morning on a Saturday night.

"Clare, calm down. How do you think you're pregnant?" Adam questions me.

"I slept with Eli." I continue to cry. "It all just happened so fast! Nothing was planned. We never even used protection. I was vulnerable and oh so stupid!" I start to ramble.

"Hey, slow down. Take a deep breath. Have you taken a test yet?" Adam asks me.

I take a few shaky breaths. "No." I answer.

"Alright well, how about this, how about together we go get you a test to take and then decide on what to do from there. We can do this now, or tomorrow, but the longer you wait the more anxious you'll be." Adam sincerely tells me.

"Okay let's do this." I respond.

"When do you want to do this?" Adam asks of me.

"Now." I breathe out.

"I'll be there to pick you up soon. Hang in there girl." Adam tells me before ending our phone call.

So I start to pace around my room until Adam lets me know that he's at my house. Finally, I get a text from Adam letting me know that he's outside, so I leave my house and get into Adams car.

"Hi." I quietly greet Adam once I get into his passenger seat.

"You ready to do this? We'll go to the drugstore, pick up a pregnancy test and then come back to your house, or I can take you to my place so you can take the test." Adam says while driving.

"Okay." I respond while I fidget in the seat.

Adam pulls up to the drugstore and parks his car. I take a deep breath and get out of the car and without a word I go inside the store. Once inside, I get what I need and head back to Adams car.

"I've got the test. Let's go back to my place." I say as soon as I put on my seatbelt and Adam turns on his car.

Adam and I arrive back at my house and I head straight for the bathroom upstairs with Adam right behind me. "I'll go in and do my thing and then I'll bring you inside while I wait for the results." I tell Adam as we reach the bathroom.

"Alright." Adam says with a nod of his head.

I then go into the bathroom, take the stick out of its box and then go to sit on the toilet to pee on the stick. After I did what I had to do, I wash my hands and then I open the door to let Adam in.

"Three minutes. I have to wait three minutes Adam until that little stick tells me if I'm carrying Eli'schild or not. Oh Adam! I don't know if I'm ready for this! I don't know what to do if I am pregnant! Do I tell Eli? Do I not?" I ramble  
while pacing the bathroom.

Adam approaches me and places his hands on top of both of my shoulders to stop me from moving. "Clare, whatever the outcome may be, I'm going to be by your side. And it's your decision on what to tell Eli. It's also your decision on what you want  
to do if you are pregnant." Adam calmly tells me as he looks straight into my eyes.

"Why are you so calm about this?" I question my friend.

"For your sake I am. It's almost time to look. Take deep breaths before you take a look." Adam instructs me as he takes his hands off of my shoulders.

I nod my head and do exactly what Adam tells me to do. I take in every deep breath until my three minutes are up. I take one final deep breath, release it and pick up the pink stick that holds my fate, that's sitting on the sink. I close my eyes  
and then reopen them. "Adam," I say with tears streaming down my face. "I'm pregnant with Eli's baby." I slide down onto the bathroom floor and hug my knees to my chest

"Clare," Adam begins as he joins me on the floor. "You don't have to make an immediate decision, but I know you, and I know you'll make the right choice on what to do. Like I said before, I'm with you on whatever you want to do." Adam begins to  
rub my back to comfort me. "Whatever you need, whatever it may be, I'll be here." Adam says as he stops rubbing my back and squeezes my arms and then kisses my forehead.

I look at Adam with a small smile. "Thank you Adam. I couldn't ask for a better friend." I take a deep breath, release it and stand up. "Who knows if I'll get any sleep tonight. I don't know if I'm going to tell Eli or not. I know it's his baby,  
but I don't want to tell him and have him be distracted at college or drop everything, come back home and try to be in my life again just because I'm carrying his baby. It's not like I want him to come back into my life rightnow after the way  
he left things between us. I know we weren't officially dating this summer, but he did make the choice to have sex with me. And he waited until after we had sex to tell me that he's seeing someone else! I mean that's fine, but don't fucking tell me  
that after we had sex!" I have to stop because I'm running out of breath from my rant.

"Clare, breathe for the love of God. I can't have you passing out on me right now." Adam stands up and has his hands back on top of my shoulders. "Look at me. Breathe in and out. In and out." Adam tells me while he's got his eyes locked on mine.

I take several deep breaths just as Adam instructs me to do and now my breathing is back to normal. I now start to laugh as I put my hands on my stomach. "This isn't real. This isn't really happening. It's all a dream. I'll wake up and everything  
will be back to normal." I start crying again. "I'm dreaming." I whisper the last part.

I look back into Adams eyes and he sighs as he drops his hands back to his sides. My hysterical laughter subsides, but I've still got my hands on my stomach. Adam lifts up his arms a little and has his hands hovering right above my own. I remove  
my hands and take Adams in my own and place them on my stomach with my hands over topic his. My lips curl into a small smile at Adams gentle touch.

"So, what now? What's the next move to make?" I speak softly as Adam removes his hands from my stomach.

"You could go to the doctor. I'll go with you if you want me to." Adam tells me.

"You don't have to do that Adam." I say while taking a step backwards.

"I made a promise Clare." Adam says while taking one of my hands in his. "Eli told me to watch over you. I intend to keep that promise."

I shake my head and get my hand free from Adams. "Don't. Why don't you go home Adam and I'll call you later okay?" I beg of Adam as I go to put my hand on the doorknob.

"Clare, I'm sorry, but I did." Adam rebuts.

"Please Adam. I'm tired and I just want to lie down." I say as I open the bathroom door. "Goodnight Adam."

Adam looks at me defeated and walks out of my bathroom."I'm sorry" Adam quietly says as he walks away from me and heads for my stairwell.

"So am I." I whisper to myself and head towards my bedroom.

Eli

Lying here next to Lilly wide awake as she sleeps, I can't help but get a feeling that something isn't right. And I'm not talking about what Lilly and I just did. I can't quite put my finger on what it is. But whatever it is, I can't seem to fall  
asleep because of it. This gut feeling is driving me crazy.

"Eli?" Lilly calls out half asleep as she turns her body facing mine.

"What's up Lil?" I answer back.

"Why are you awake so early? It's Sunday." Lilly questions me.

I sigh and sit up. "I don't really know." I answer truthly as I run my fingers through my hair and rub my face with my hands. "Why don't you go back to sleep Lil? I'll make us breakfast later." I suggest as I brush some of her hair from her face.

"Okay. That sounds nice." Lilly mumbles as she closes her eyes again and snuggles up against my body.

I wrap an arm around Lilly's shoulder as she sleeps. This nagging feeling is becoming unsettling and is making my stomach churn and not in a good way. I don't know what is going on and it's bugging the hell out of me. I have an urge to call up  
Adam and ask him if everything at home is okay, or ask him if I'm just going crazy. But it's really early still and I don't want to wake up Lilly. Maybe I'll wait until later today to call Adam to calm my paranoia, or confirm it. I decide to close  
my eyes and hope for some sleep to overcome me.

"Eli, hey. Eli, wake up." Lilly calls out as she nudges my side.

I open my eyes to find Lilly kneeling right in front of me with my cell phone in her one hand. "What is it?" I ask groggily.

"Your phone keeps on ringing nonstop. I think you should just answer it so the caller stops blowing up your phone." Lilly tells me as she hands me my phone.

I take a look to see who's been calling me and it's Adams number that shows up. That sickening feeling I had before just intensified. I almost feel like I could throw up right about now.

"Are you okay? You're a little green." Lilly says as she goes to put a hand on my cheek.

I shake my head. "I don't know. I just have a weird feeling that something isn't right and to be honest, I'm a little frightened to answer Adams phone call." I tell Lilly in a worried tone of voice.

"Eli, what are you talking about? What weird feeling?" Lilly questions me while caressing my cheek.

Right before I can give Lilly any kind of answer, Adam calls me again. I hesitate at first, but I answer the call.

"Adam, what's going on? You've called my phone about a dozen times dude." I say as I accept his phone call finally.

"Clare." Adam frantically spits out.

"What do you mean, Clare? Is she okay?" I ask Adam with that uneasy feeling biting at me even more now.

"I can't tell you exactly. I wish Icould, but this is something she has to tell you." Adam replies in a rushed tone.

"I'm coming home." I tell Adam firmly.

"Eli, you don't have to do that. Clare and I got into an argument last night so she probably won't be in the best mood to see right now. Stay at school man." Adam orders of me.

"What kind of argument?" I try to coax out of Adam.

I hear Adam give out a sigh on his end of the phone. "Dude, I told you, I can't tell you." Adam reminds me.

" Adam, tell me what it was about. You called me remember? There has to be something you want to tell me that you so urgently had to call me this early in the morning. You can't just tell me you had a fight with Clare and then not tell me you can't  
tell me about it. I have half a mind to end our call and call Clare myself to get an answer of what the fuck is going on." I demand of Adam full of frustration.

"No, do not do that! Do not call Clare. I beg of you not to Eli. That would be a mistake. She still needs time to herself after you left. She called me up late last night because of something that had happened and needed me to be there for her."  
Adam replies defensively.

"One final time Adam, what is going on?" Insist with a sneer. For at least two minutes, Adam doesn't breathe a word. "Alright then, take care Adam." And with that, I end the phone call. I intended to toss my phone onto my bedside table, but it  
lands on the floor instead. I let out a frustrated growl and I can sense the tension in my room. I turn my head in Lilly's direction and she's got a frightened look on her face. I try to reach out for herhands to hold onto and she hesitates  
before taking my hands in hers. "I'm sorry if I scared you." I tell Lilly honestly and I can feel stubborn tears forming at the corners of my eyes.

"Do you want to talk about what that phone call was all about?" Lilly gently asks me while she holds onto my now shaking hands. "It's okay if you don't. I'll understand if you can't talk about it. Just know Eli, that you can talk to me." Lilly  
tells me while looking into my eyes with nothing but compassion.

Looking into Lilly's soft caring eyes, I lose all that I'm holding back and just let the stubborn tears fall down my cheeks. Lilly then pulls me into an embrace and I tightly hold onto her for dear life. Lilly doesn't protest against my actions.  
She only wraps her arms around me and holds me while I breakdown. After a few minutes or so, I pull back from Lilly and wipe away the stray tears on my face with the back of my hand.

"Thanks." I speak softly and then kiss Lilly's forehead.

"You're welcome Eli." Lilly tells me with a gentle smile.

"I never intended you to see me like this. I just had that weird feeling I couldn't shake and then the phone call with Adam just pushed me over the edge." I begin and Lilly is listening to my every word. "I promise you that this is a rare sight  
of me." I let out an awkward laugh as I run my fingers through my messy hair.

"It's okay Eli. I know that we haven't known each other for long, but I hope to know more of you than I already do. I want to see and experience all sides of you." Lilly informs me as she takes a hold of my free hand, that's not tangled up in my  
hair.

"Every side?" I question Lilly with an eyebrow raised.

"Yes, silly. I want to get to know you better since we becameroomies. Don't you want to get to know me as much as you can?" Lilly asks of me.

"Of corse I do. Why wouldn't I?" I reply back with a smirk.

Lilly grins at me and kisses the top of my hand that she's holding. "Good. Now, let me make you feel better." Lilly seductively says as she scoots as close to my body as humanly possible and uses one of her hands to give me a hand job as she attaches  
her lips to mine.

All those thoughts about what is going on with Clare are long gone now. All I can focus on right now is this amazing feeling Lilly is giving me. This messed up feeling of pleasure. It feels so right, but wrong at the same time. I kiss Lilly back  
with fever the faster she moves her hand and I moan against her her lips as I tangle my fingers in her blonde locks. 


	7. Baby Love Me

Clare 

**"** Clare Edwards, the doctor will see you now." The receptionist calls to me as Adam and I sit in the waiting room at the doctors office. I get and follow the middle aged woman with blonde hair to a room at the end of the hall. "Please  
have a seat

and the doctor will be in shortly." The woman tells me as she closes the door to the small room and leaves Adam and I alone.

I let out a shaky breath while I go to sit on the table looking seat that's to the far left wall. "I guess there's no turning back now." I breathe out.

"You'll be fine. They'll run some tests and whatnot." Adam tells me.

"Thanks Adam, I feel so much calmer now." I sarcastically spit out while swaying my feet side to side as they hang off the table.

A couple of minutes go by and there's a knock at the door and Dr. Bennett walks in with her laptop and sits at the desk next to me. "So, how are you doing Clare? I haven't seen you in a while." Dr. Bennett asks me with a warm smile.

I bite on my lower lip before answering her question. "I think I may be pregnant." I say in a small voice.

Dr. Bennett keeps her smile on her face as she turns her whole body to me. "Have you taken a pregnancy test yet?" She asks ofme.

I nod my head. "Yes."

"What was the result?" Dr. Bennett asks me.

"Positive." I reply.

"Okay. Well, we can do a blood test and I will give you a call to come back in to get your results." Dr. Bennett informs me.

"Okay. Thank you." I say back, but still a little shaky.

"Are you the boyfriend?" Dr. Bennett asks Adam and I almost burst out laughing at her question.

Adam shakes his head. "No. I'm just a friend." Adam answers with his face bight pink.

"Ah well, it's good that you're here to support Clare. Okay you two, I will be right back to get that blood test done and over with." Dr. Bennett tells Adam and I before she leaves the room.

I actually do start to laugh as soon as Dr. Bennett closes the door and Adam gives me a weird look.

"What's so funny?" Adam questions me while raising an eyebrow at me.

"This." I get out between my fits of laughter. "This situation I put myself in." I place my right hand on my stomach and my laughter subsides. "Eli and I's baby. My baby. If it's true, and I am pregnant, I will keep the baby. I won't have the

heart to get an abortion." I start to cry and Adam gets up from the chair he was sitting in and comes to stand in front of me and wraps his arms around me in comfort. "Thanks." I whisper as I lean out of our hug a few seconds later and my tears  
/have calmed down somewhat.

"No problem Clare." Adam says just as Dr. Bennett comes back into the room.

"Alright then Clare, I'm just going to draw some blood and then have it sent to the lab. Don't worry, this won't hurt one bit." Dr. Bennett tells me as she prepares to stick the needle in my arm. "Just breathe Clare, you'll be fine." She instructs  
/me. "And you're all done." Dr. Bennett says as she wipes at the spot she stuck the needle in and stands up. "Okay, next step is to wait for the results and that should take up to two days. So, you should receive a phone call for that day then.  
/Good luck Clare." Dr. Bennett tells me as she opens the door and I follow out with Adam right behind me.

"So, two whole days until I find out for sure if I'm carrying Eli's child. That should be a terrifying thought,but I think I'm in too much shock to process what's going on." I say to Adam once we get back into his car. "Seventeen and knocked

up. My dad will be so proud of me! His baby girl, pregnant before marriage."I rant as Adam drives me back home.

Eli

I got the brilliant idea of throwing a party at the apartment as I was in my English class earlier. I was thinking about having it later on today. I'll run the idea by Lilly and Joey once they get back from their classes. I can call up Adam

and invite him and see if he wants to come. But now, I'll make myself some lunch and take a shower and attempt to get a head start on some homework.

"Eli! Eli!" I hear Lilly yell from the living room from my bedroom. I reluctantly get up from my desk to see what Lilly wants from me. I walk out into the living room to find Lilly holding up a beat up looking Joey. I raise my eyebrows in suspicion  
/at my roommates. "What the hell happened to you?" I ask Joey.

"I got into a fight and Lilly here thinks I need to go to the hospital. I keep telling her that I'm fine, but she's pretty damn persistent. It's just some bruises, I'll heal." Joey explains as he starts coughing and he spits out a little blood

as he coughs.

"I think Lilly may be right on this one dude. Coughing up blood can't be a good sign. I'll drive us to the hospital, just let me grab my keys." I say as I go to return to my room to quickly grab my keys. And once Lilly and I get Joey into the

backseat of my car, we then both get into the front seats of my car.

"See Joey, I told you that youneededto go to the hospital." Lilly reminds Joey as I start driving.

"Shut up Lil." Joey sneers from my backseat.

"Do I even want to know why you look so beat up?" I ask Joey while looking in my rear view mirror at him.

"Probably not." Joey responds as he shakes his head.

"The doctor will probably ask you though." Lilly chimes in.

"Yes Lillian, I know." Joey replies with every word dripping in sarcasm.

"What are you going to tell them?" Lilly asks.

"Lilly, just please stop talking!" Joey snaps.

I gently place a hand on Lilly's thigh to get her attention. "Just leave him be for now. We're almost there. He'll be fine. Breathe Lilly." I tell her softly so she can back off of Joey for the time being.

"Fine." Lilly huffs as she turns her attention to looking out the window.

I make it to the hospital and Lilly gets out of my car to help Joey get inside as I go to find a parking spot. When I go inside, I find Joey and Lilly sitting in the emergency waiting room. I go to join them and take a seat next to Lilly.

"What did they say when you guys checked in?" I as as soon as I sit down.

"That someone will see us when they can." Lilly sarcastically responds while rolling her eyes.

"I could be dying." Joey says while coughing and I take notice of the bloody tissue in his hand.

"Don't be so dramatic Joseph." Lilly remarks.

"You never know." Joey rebuttals as he coughs up more blood into the bloody tissue.

"You'll be fine. I'm sure of it." I quietly chime in.

"I'll see you at my funeral." Joey jokes.

"Joey! That's not even funny!" Lilly punches Joey in the arm. "What would I say to mom and dad? They wouldn't understand what happened. So, please don't you say that." Lilly says to Joey in a strained voice and she looks like she's about to burst  
into tears.

"I'm sorry Lil." Joey apologizes as he puts an arm around Lilly's shoulders.

"Joseph Collins?" All three of us hear as a nurse approaches us.

"Right here." Joey responds.

"Follow me please." The nurse tells Joey.

"Can I go with? He's my brother." Lilly asks as Joey stands up and the nurse nods her head. So, Lilly stands up as well, which leaves me by myself in the waiting room. And before I get left alone, Lilly gives me an apologetic look.

"It's fine, be with Joey." I tell Lilly as she nods her head and then follows the nurse while walking next to Joey. And now, I wait. About an hour or so later, Lilly comes back into the waiting room and sits next to me. I can't read her face, which  
is scaring me.

"Lilly?" I start with, but I don't know exactly what to say. And for a couple of minutes, Lilly doesn't speak a word, but then she starts to cry.

"They took him into surgery." Lilly sobs into my chest.

"Lilly, I'm sure Joey will be just fine." I try to console Lilly with.

"I'm sure you're right Eli, I'm just worried about Joey. I'm sure he'll be fine. Im just being a concerned sister." Lilly quietly says while wiping away her tears.

"And there's nothing wrong with that Lil." I tell Lilly with a reassuring smile.

"Thank you Eli." Lilly says flatly as she turns her body away from mine and stares at her feet.

Clare

Soon after I make myself a bath and begin to step into the inviting hot water, I hear a knock at my front door downstairs. I try to ignore it, but the knocking becomes more and more persistent so, I let out a groan as I reluctantly get out of the  
bathtub and grab my robe to put on before exiting the bathroom. I get to the front door and open it to find Eli standing before me.

"Clare, I...I didn't know where else to go." Eli stammers nervously while running his fingers through his messy hair.

"Umm." Is all I can get out as I stare back at him.

"Can I come inside?" Eli asks me in a small voice and I nod my head and let him inside of my house.

I walk into my living room and Eli follows me and he sits down on my couch as I continue to stand in confusion. I can't find the words to speak. Eli just sits on my couch and he looks like he's on the verge of tears. Why is he here? Why me? I should  
have told him no, and turned him away, but he looks so broken. I pull my robe tighter around me, but then I stop and decide to join Eli on the couch. I silently place one hand over one of his and shift my body facing his. Eli looks up at me, and yes,  
I do see tears brimming in his eyes.

I bite down on my lower lip not knowing what to say. We sit like this for what seems like hours, but I'm sure only minutes have gone by. Tears do start to fall onto Eli's cheeks and it kills me to see him so vulnerable in front of me. The sight  
of him should anger me instead of whatever it is that I'm feeling right now.

I'm feeling knots in my stomach, but that could be because I'm pregnant and it could be the nausea I now feel on a daily basis. Oh yeah, there's something I can tell Eli while he's here. I think if I mention that I'm pregnant with his child right now,  
he'll...I don't know what he'll do really. But one of us has to speak. This silence is making me crazy. I may just go throw up because of the tension in the room. Which, yup, I actually have to go do that now, because I can feel bile rising up in  
my throat. So, I put a hand over my mouth and run to the bathroom that's just down the hall from us.

After I throw up, I take a look at myself in the mirror. I run my hands threw my hair and let out a sigh. What am I doing? I go to place my hands on my stomach and close my eyes while taking a few deep breaths before going back out into the living  
room. I finally leave the bathroom and rejoin Eli on the couch.

"I'm sorry Clare." Eli speaks up as I sit down next to him.

"What for?" I ask softly.

"Showing up unexpectedly like this at your house and for the way I treated you. I don't even deserve for you to be so kind to let me back into your home." Eli stops talking and I can see that he's trying to fight off more tears. "I was so selfish.  
I don't know if you can ever forgive me and I don't blame you if you can't. I really don't even deserve..." Eli breaks off mid sentence in a strained voice and I can feel his whole body starting to vibrate next to me.

I really don't know what to say, or to do, so I decide to grab one of Eli's hands and place it on my stomach. Eli looks at me in confusion as his tears still run down his face. I can feel his hand shake, but I try to steady it as I have my one hand  
over his. I manage a weak smile as I look at our hands and back at Eli's face.

"I'm pregnant." I dare to whisper.

Eli scrunches his eyebrows as he manages to wipe away the leftover tears on his face. "What do you mean by you're pregnant?" He asks.

"I mean I'm having your baby." I correct myself while looking straight into Eli's eyes.

"How is that possible?" Eli asks as he slips his hand out from under mine.

"You don't remember that memorable day we had together over two months ago, because I do. We had sex right here on this very couch that day. And then we did it again in the shower. I cut my feet and you cleaned my wounds. Then you cut me deeper  
by telling me that you were seeing someone else after you fucked me and told me that you loved me! You never wore a condom that day. That's how I'm pregnant with your child!" I lash out as I get up from the couch and stand in front of Eli with my  
arms crossed over my now heaving chest.

Eli sits in front of me just staring at me not saying a word. I hug my robe to my body a d become self-conscious now that my secret is out. I'm starting to lose my patience. I can't tell if he's trying to process the words I just spoke, or what,  
I don't know. I can't wait forever to hear Eli speak up. I have to say something to end this silence.

"Well, are you going to say anything?" I demand.

"I don't quite know what to say Clare. If you say it's mine, then I believe you. I just don't know what you expect me to do. I just started college and you're still in high school! I can't be a father right now!" Eli explodes. "It was a mistake  
coming back here." Eli says as he gets up from the couch.

"I don't know what I expect from you anymore!" I shake my head. "I should have known you were going to react this way. And do you think I know what to do? I no mother figure to look up to! No one to guide me through this except for Adam! I can't  
bear to be in the same room as my father because I know how much he disappointed in me. This wasn't my choice! I didn't choose to be pregnant at seventeen! Yeah, I was stupid enough to have unprotected sex, but I can't change that now. But if you're  
calling this child we made together a mistake, then I really don't want to hear from you, or see you ever again. You can say goodbye to your unborn child right here and now, because if you're going to be like this, you're never going to see your child."  
I seethe with tears streaming down my cheeks.

"I'm not calling our child a mistake Clare. I'm just saying that I'm not ready." Eli replies calmer as he takes a step closer to me.

"And you think I am?" I ask back.

"No. I know you're not. Look, I'm sorry if I'm coming off as an insensitive jackass right now, but I just don't know how to handle this. I'm in a relationship and in a good place, or at least I was until this morning, but this just...I don't know  
what this means. I don't know if I could be the best father figure right now. I just lost mine, so I'm sorry if I don't know how to handle this." Eli tells me while running his fingers through his hair.

"What?" I say caught off guard. "What do you mean you lost your father figure? Did..." I trail off in shock.

"My mom called me early this morning telling me the news. It was a car accident. He was hit head on from another car and didn't make it." The tears are back in Eli's eyes as he speaks. "She asked me to come home, but I couldn't bear to go straight  
there. Not just yet. I wanted to tell you the news. I know how much my dad loved you Clare." Eli chokes out and his words break my heart.

"Oh Eli, I am so sorry." I start crying harder and I can't help but to hug Eli."I loved your father. He was more of a father figure to me than my own father." I sob while holding Eli in my arms. 


	8. Author Note

Hey, I know it's been FOREVER since I've updated this story! Don't worry, I'm not abandoning it. I'm having some trouble with moving the story along and right now I'm having a family member of mine read the story so she can give me some insight and help  
me get over my writers block. I've been writing this story, believe it or not, for four years now! It's gone through so much revision over the years. I'm trying to bepatient with the story's development myself. Haha. It sometimes comes to  
life and flows out of me and sometimes it can be stubborn and give me problems. I'm working with it, or should I say my cousin is helping me. So, as soon as I get my feedback from my cousin, I will be finishing the chapter I left off with and then upload  
it as soon as I can. I hope whoever is reading the story is enjoying it so far! Thanks, Sarah :)


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